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This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!"
As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?"
The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."

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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Military Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted.
He rang the minister who was also delighted.
"Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister.
"No," replied the statistician.
"Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."

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Science jokes Math Jokes

A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sеx for two weeks.”
He replies, “What did your dentist say?”

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Sex Jokes Dentist Jokes Gynecology Jokes

Teacher: "Who can tell a story?"
Little Johnny: "Our maid's аss."
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her аss and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Dad Jokes

Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest тiтs?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.

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School Jokes Blonde Jokes Old People Jokes Redhead Jokes Boob Jokes

Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children?
A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

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Science jokes Math Jokes

There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were.
One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow.
The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee.
The last woman just slid over the bar stool.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Vulgar jokes

Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up.
He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt.
As the drunк returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hеll happened?"
The drunк is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be рissеd off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shiттy!"
The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunк fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?"
Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned.
The drunк looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over.
"That's a great idea, the drunк slurs. Thank you."
And the drunк left.
When the drunк walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him.
She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?"
He explained: "I drove a drunк fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned."
The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket.
"But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here."
Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shiт in my pants too."

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Yo Momma's o fат she supplies 99% of British gas.

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes

Your momma so fат...
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw your momma peanuts.

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Two entrepreneurs, Jack and John, decided to start a bungee-jumping business south of the border.
They went to Casa del Sol, Mexico, built a huge platform, and opened for business.
By noon the first day, they both noticed that while everyone was watching, no one was buying tickets.
Jack told John to go up and jump, so everyone could see how much fun it was, and then they would buy tickets and try it.
John jumped, almost reached the ground, and sprang back up.
Jack saw that his shirt was torn and his hair was mussed.
John came down again and sprang back up.
This time he had several bruises and his clothes were ripped to shreds.
The third time down and back up, and he had several open wounds, a broken arm, and was bruised over most of his body.
Jack quickly raised John to the platform and asked him what in the world was going on.
John replied, "I’m not sure. Do you know what 'pinata' means?"

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Mexican jokes Business jokes

Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not enter."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Flirt jokes

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head.
He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!”
His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!”
The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!”
His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?”
The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes Black People Jokes

This guy goes into a Sреrм Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal.
"Sir, this is a sреrм bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sреrм samples!"
The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded.
The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sреrм samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!"
The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask соскs the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes:
"See honey, it's not that fuскing hard."

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes Banker Jokes

There are these two guys named John and Cliff.
They were best friends and were so obsessed with baseball that they would go to 60 games a year and analyze every scoreboard.
They even promised each other that when one of them goes to heaven, the deceased one would come back and tell the other whether there was baseball in heaven or not.
One night Cliff dies in his sleep after watching a Chicago White Sox game — Chicago won, so at least he died a happy man.
The next day Cliff returns to earth to see his friend.
"Hi, John.”"
"Cliff, is it really you?"
"Hey, I told you I’d be back to tell you what’s up. And, you know John, there’s good news and bad news."
"Okay. What’s the good news?"
"There is baseball in heaven."
"The bad news?"
"You’re pitching tomorrow night."

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Sports Jokes News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Yo mama's so dumb that when she saw the "Under 17 not admitted" sign at a movie theatre, she went home and got 16 friends.

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Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore.
She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11.
About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms.
He decides to see if she needs any help.
He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?"
She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

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