Most popular jokes

Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space?
A: Moonopoly.

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Your mama is so ugly that I guess you can say that the genes passed down.

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Yo Momma Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Ugly Jokes

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your dамn eyes off.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall?
A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd!
Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall?
A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!

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Music and Musician Jokes

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Political Jokes Communication Jokes

Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris has hair of steel wool.
That's why his mullet never moves.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

I hate Chuck Norris.
Oh SHI...

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Hit any user to continue.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized pe-nises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated pe-nises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother?
You idiот, women don't have pe-nises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Military Jokes

One day there were two men.
One was driving a Mercedes Benz and the other was riding a horse, both waiting at the traffic light.
The man in the Benz looked at the horse and noticed something different, that horse was not a normal horse.
It was an electric horse and has 3 buttons in it if you press one button it moves forward, if you press the second button it moves faster and if you press the last button it will stop.
The guy in the Benz was really impressed, so he asked the guy riding the horse if he wanted to trade the horse for the Benz, so he agreed.
They did the trade and the guy riding the horse drove the Benz and went on his way but the other guy was still stuck in the traffic light trying to get the horse to move.
He tried all the buttons but the horse does not seem to be moving so he called the horse owner and asked him if he can come back to show him how to move the horse.
So the guy came back, he pressed all the buttons again but the horse still doesn't move.
He noticed the horse's реnis was up so he tells the other guy: "Ohh you forgot to release the handbrake!"

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Dirty jokes Car and driving jokes Technology Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A blonde went to the eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette.
She asked the salesman how much the TV was.
He said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was.
He said, "Sorry we don"t sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."

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Blonde Jokes Technology Jokes Business jokes Customer service jokes Stupid Jokes

A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the веll. Yes, says the receptionist irritably.
Excuse me, says the woman, but I'm in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?
The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down.
Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all.

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Hotel Jokes

I have one cup of coffee every morning to start the day off right...
The other ones are to keep me out of jail, help me form sentences, and fuel my razor sharp wit!

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One-Liner Jokes Coffee Jokes

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

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Pet Jokes Dog jokes Programmer Jokes Boss Jokes

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up.
The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did all the other cues came crashing to the floor. "Sorry," he said with a smile.
If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
Even though he was and enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a dear.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a very beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunк.
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher."
"No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now."
"We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.

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Thanksgiving Jokes

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,
“Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I’ve changed my will three times!”

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Old People Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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History Jokes

Little Johnny, "Why are you so fат?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuск ur mom she gives me a doughnut."

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