Newest jokes - Page 2351

What did the turkey say on Thanksgiving?
Don't "gobble" me up!

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Knock knock
Who’s there
Insomnia
You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can 't cry myself to sleep anymore…

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Fitness jokes

A husband suspected his wife was cheating on him. He explained his situation to a pet shop owner who replied, "I have a parrot that will let you know daily what goes on in your house. The bird has no legs, so he holds onto his perch with his реnis." Reluctantly, the husband brought the bird home. At the end of the first day, the man asked the bird, "Did anything happen today?" The parrot said,
"Yes, the milk man came over." The man asked,
"What did he do with my wife?" The bird said,
"I don’t know; I got hard and fell."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Parrot jokes Cheating Jokes

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a соndом company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Aviation Jokes

Nigel, a college student is talking to a friend.
‘Y’ know,’ he says.
‘I think my room-mate is quееr.’ ‘Why d’you say that?’ asks the student.
‘Well,’ replies Nigel.
‘Every time I kiss him goodnight he shuts his eyes.’

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes School Jokes

Why did the pianist keep ваnging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.

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Music and Musician Jokes

A neutrino walks into a bar ... and keeps going!!

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Science jokes

It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, “What would you like for breakfast?” Billy’s mom asked politely, Billy replied with “whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!”

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Political Jokes

I dropped my mobile phone in the bath yesterday.
I said to my wife, “My phone is fuскеd”.
She said, “It might still work, have you tried ringing it?”
I said, “Yes, but not much water is coming out”.

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Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes

I stumbled out of bed from a one night stand to find my dad at the kitchen table.
“I’m proud of you son” he winked, “now tell me, did you use protection?”
“You know what they say, dad” I grinned, “up the вuм no babies.”
“Ha ha, that’s my boy” he laughed, “what’s her name?”
“Patrick” I replied.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dad Jokes

How come legacy programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 (Octal 31 = Decimal 25)

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Programmer Jokes Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes

A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey.
It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away.
So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit.
It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise.
On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock.
One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!"
The other said,
"Where did you get the gorilla suit?"
The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?"
The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".

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Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

‘ My father never did a day’s work in his life,’ said Paddy
‘ He must have been a lazy ваsтаrd, ‘ replied Mick
‘ No, he was a Night Watchman,’ said Paddy

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Office and Work Jokes Irish jokes

Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said,
"You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me."
"Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up.
He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station.
Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says.
"It all happened so fast."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Military Jokes

What soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
Seasoned troops!

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Military Jokes

What's the difference between a nакеd white woman and a nакеd black woman?
One's on the cover of Рlаyвоy and the other's on the cover of National Geographic.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

How many line cooks does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

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Waiter Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Yo mama is so sтuрid when she tried to do a Google search about an STD she posted it on facebook by mistake.

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Facebook Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!

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Kids Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Christmas Jokes

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