Newest jokes - Page 2352

Our local ice cream store likes to be creative with new names for flavors, but i think they have gone to far with their latest... Chocolate Chip Chipotle.

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The advantage of using a nailcutter is, you won't get scratchmark on your forehead skin and the disadvantage is, you can't peel off garlic skin.

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Beauty Jokes

When Mary was pregnant, her five year old, Billy, was utterly amazed and a little bit disbelieving that his sister was growing in his mom's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick.
But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. "Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged his mother.
"A nap?" Billy marveled. "You mean there's a bed in there too?”

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Baby Jokes

You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.

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Office and Work Jokes Attitude Jokes

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

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Flirt jokes

Even though we’ve been married for years, I’m still living the single life.
Shit food and no sеx.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date wearing this see-through blouse and no вrа. Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that. …
The teenager tells her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!” and out she goes. …
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.
“Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”

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Friendship Jokes Dating Jokes Grandparent Jokes

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

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Math Jokes

You're not gonna win, but that's all you're thinking about is winning, right? You don't even think about the fact that the game is impossible: you're 30 feet away, trying to throw a hot dog into a wine bottle.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Wine jokes Dog jokes

Why does the chicken is sad?
Because his dad is a соск.
Why does the chicken is even more sad?
Because he faces the same future.

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Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Two brothers were raised on a farm, one brother moved to town. Every year, the city brother would come out to visit the farmer brother. Every time he came out, the farmer brother was complaining about his crops. It was too hot or too cold, too wet or too dry, prices were low, the crops looked bad. As the city brother was driving out one year, he noticed the crops looking great. He had the radio on and crops were hitting an all time high. As he got out to the farm, here was the farmer brother sitting in a rocking chair with a grumpy looking on his face. The city brother asked why he was in a bad mood. The crops looked great, the right amount of rain, temp., and prices were setting records highs. The farmer brother said, you know what a crop like this takes out of the soil?

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Farmer Jokes

What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!

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Lawyer Jokes

Why can’t you tell anyone about space? Because its too out of this world!

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Space jokes

Rаре victims think they have it so bad, all they have to do is go home and have a shower plus they get the next day off work.
As a rарisт, I have to go home, have a shower, burn my clothes, create an alibi, frame my latest lock of victim’s hair, plus I have to get up for work in the morning.

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Office and Work Jokes Criminal Jokes

I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, “What’s going on?”
My wife said, “Erm… We’ve been playing on the Wii Fit.” She winked at my mate and said, “Dave did VERY well.”
As I walked out of the room, I heard them giggling and calling me a “diскhеаd”, but I had the last laugh. I checked the next day, and none of his scores had even registered!

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Office and Work Jokes Cheating Jokes

May your dressing be tasty, May your turkey be plump...
May your potatoes and gravy, Have never a lump...
May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize...
And may your Thanksgiving dinner, Stay off your thighs!

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Thanksgiving Jokes

I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.
Jehovah's fitness.

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Fitness jokes

A man comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man, and asks, “What is this?!?” The wife turns to her lover and says, “See, I told you he was sтuрid!”

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody.
So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him.
Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?"
So the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street.
So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are things going?".
Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn't know the President.
So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says "Benny you know you can't just show up here like this."
Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says "Hey Benny how have you been?"
So then he bets him $1000 he doesn't know the Pope.
So they take a plane down to Rome and he says" Ok now watch up there on that balcony I'm gonna come out there with the Pope."
So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out.
He goes down there and says "Are you that surprised that I know the Pope?" he goes
"No somebody walked behind me and said who's that guy up there with Benny!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

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Science jokes

Latest Jokes