Latest Jokes

A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She’s also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, “My God, you saved my life!”
He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They’ve set up a hut, there’s fruit on the trees, and they’re in heaven. Cindy’s fallen madly in love with our man, and they’re making passionate love morning, noon and night.
Alas, one day she notices he’s looking kind of glum. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asks, “We have a wonderful life together, I’m in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?”
He says, “Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?”
“Sure,” she says, “if it will help.” He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
“Now would you put on my pants?” he asks.
“Sure, honey, if it’s really going to make you feel better,” she says.
“Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?” he asks.
“Whatever you want, sweetie,” she says, and does.
Then he says, “Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?”
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, “Dude! You’ll never believe who I’m sleeping with!”
Σενάριο : Ένας τύπος ναυαγεί σ` ένα νησί με την Cindy Crawford και παρά την ερημιά , παρά τη μοναξιά , για αρκετές βδομάδες το έπαιζε άνετος και δεν έκανε καμιά κίνηση . Τελικά , δεν άντεξε και τη... Un avion s’écrase sur une île déserte, et laisse deux survivants : un homme et Cindy Crawford. N’ayant pas d’autres possibilités, notre couple s’entend donc pour avoir des relations sexuelles. Six...
Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes
A 30 something year old man goes to a singles bar and starts up a conversation with a woman who was about his age. They’re really hitting it off and the chemistry is strong, so after a couple drinks they start to open up to each other.
“I’m gonna be honest with you,” says the man, “My wife recently divorced me so I’m on the rebound. I was just too кinкy for her, she couldn’t take it.”
Astounded, the woman says “Oh my gosh, кinкy sеx, what a coincidence! My divorce from my ex husband was finalized just last week for that exact same reason!”
At this point they decide to go back to the woman’s house. She leads him up to the bedroom and things start getting hot and heavy. “Wait here, I’m gonna go slip into something more comfortable”, she tells him.
So she slips into her bathroom and puts on all the воndаgе gear she can find and freshens up. After about 10 minutes she steps out of the bathroom and finds the man dressed and headed out the door.
“Wait, where are you going!?”, she yells after him, “I thought you were into кinкy stuff?”
The man replies “I already shagged your cat and took a dump in the potted plant, I’m good.”
Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Dating Jokes
Като бях малък, се страхувах от чудовището под леглото. Fritzchen rennt zu seinem Vater und schreit: "Papa, Papa, unter meinem Bett ist ein Monster!" Der Vater winkt ab und beruhigt den Jungen: "Keine Sorge, Schatz! Das Monster liegt neben mir im Bett und schläft!" Sohn: "Papa, Papa bei mir liegt ein Monster unterm Bett!" Vater: "Sohn, bei mir liegt eins im Bett!" Monster Dreng: “Far der ligger et monster under sengen” Far svarer: “Knægt herinde ligger det i sengen” Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.” Ніч. — Тато, тато, під моїм ліжком монстр! — Ні, синку, він в моєму ... - Mami, sub patul meu este un Monstru. - Cat tata va fi in deplasare, acest monstru Va locui la noi. Vater zu seinem 5-jährigem Sohn: "Nein, das Monster ist nicht unter deinem Bett. Mach dir hier keine Sorgen. Das Monster schläft jeden Tag neben mir." Papa, papa! Er ligt een monster onder m'n bed! Jongen toch….. Bij mij ligt er één IN bed!
Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes Dad Jokes
Little Lexi was going to get a drink of water during the night, and she overheard her father say "You little b*tch. You like that, huh?" And her mother replied with, "Oh yeah, I love your diск. Go deeper!!" The next day she asked her mother what diск meant. The mom told her a diск was a coat. She then asked her dad what b*tch meant. Her father said that a b*tch was a person. Later on, Lexi found her parents arguing. "YOU МОТНЕRFUСКЕR!!" Her mom shouted. "You're just a SLUТ!" Her dad replied. Again, little Lexi was curious, and asked her mother what a motherf*cker was. Her mother said it was a turkey. Later, she asked her dad what a sluт meant. He said it meant toilet. After that, her dad was on the toilet yelling "Honey, I'm having a big shiт on the toilet so let's not have sеx until later?" She asked what shiт was and he said eating. He also said having sеx meant socializing. After all that, her family came over for Thanksgiving. Little Lexi said "Happy Thanksgiving, b*tches! We're going to shiт soon, my dad is upstairs eating the sluт in the bathroom! My moms going to cut the motherf*cker shortly! Hang up your diскs and stay a while! I can't wait to have sеx with you!
Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes