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Latest Jokes

Why don't witches have babies? Because their husbands have Hallo-weenies!!!

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Holiday Jokes

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

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Monday jokes

Contraception: Birth Control
Abortion: Birth Control-Alt-Delete

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What's The Difference Jokes

I stopped smoking wееd the day after I spent 30 minutes looking for my phone under the bed… …
,,,
…. While using my phone’s flashlight

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Bad Habits Jokes

Patient:
“Doctor, I don’t know what’s wrong with me”.
Doctor:
“Take these pills, I don’t know what they’re for”.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
“Your behind is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet it is вiggеr than the barbecue grill.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife’s bottom was.
“Yes, I was right; it is two inches wider than the barbecue grill!”
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in the bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
She answers:
“Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-аss grill for one little wееniе?”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

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Attitude Jokes Philosophy Jokes

A man is running after a woman, just until she catches him.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Love Jokes

There’s one good thing about life.
It’s only temporary.

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Life Jokes

Son: Iphone! * holding it*
Daughter: Ipod! *holding it*
Mom: Ipad! *holding it*
Dad: IPAID!

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

I sneeze and all the snot got everywhere. Someone says: You're disgusting! I say back: your internet history is disgusting. (Laughter)

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Insult Jokes Internet Jokes

Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fаn?
He got cut off without a scent.

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Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

When Steven Hawking’s realizes heaven is only a stairway away

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Heaven And Hell Jokes

Yo mama's so fат, when someone drove by her they said "Wow, whales can walk!"

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Fat Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

My best friend went deaf last year and I told him everything would be alright but he wouldn’t listen.

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Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes

Sure, white people can't say the "N word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."

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Office and Work Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes White people jokes

There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

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Religion jokes Christian Jokes

Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Chocolate Jokes

How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?

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Beauty Jokes

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Attitude Jokes