Newest jokes - Page 282

A shipment of Viаgrа was hijacked on the way to the depot.
The police have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

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Q: What's the scientific name for Viаgrа?
A: Mycoxafailin

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Viagra jokes

A ventriloquist had just finished his роlаск joke routine when a huge, drunк роlаск confronted him, ''I'm sick of your роlаск jokes and I'm going to knock the s**t out of you.
'' ''I'm sorry, it was all in good fun,'' replied the comedian. The роlаск retorted, ''I was talking to the little a**hole on your knee."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?
A: A new bar

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Q: What did the bartender say to his customers?
A: "Men, Viаgrа now comes in liquid form. You can pour yourselves a real stiff one."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Viagra jokes

No, really, I'm OK to drive.- I'm wasted, but I'm too embarrassed to have anybody see who I'm taking home with me."I'm not used to these darts."
- I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I'm this bombed."You get this one, next round is on me."
- One of us is going to pass out before it's time for another round. "I've had like 10 beers already."
- I've only had three beers, but I need an excuse to behave this way."I'm out of here. I have to work in the morning."
- I owe $100 to the guy who just walked in the door and I've been avoiding him since football season."What do you have on tap?"
- What's cheap?

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Beer Jokes

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs.
"Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunк, he's not going to notice you."
Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hеll is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunк, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By dамn, you're right, dear."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Cheating Jokes

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day's class.One boy came in and said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
The second boy said, "Don't judge a book by it's cover."
Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, "I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was homework." The teacher said, "What is the moral, Johnny?"
"DON''T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE'S DRINKING!!!''

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes School Jokes

A policeman stops a motorist and asks, "Excuse me, Sir, have you been drinking?"
The motorist says, "Why - do I got an ugly girl next to me?"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches.
Then the bartender says, ''Sorry, but you can't eat your own food in here.'' So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Food Jokes

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. His face is all bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what in the world happened to you?".
The guy says, "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whоrе."
"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"
"She hit me with her bag of quarters!".

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to satisfy and the front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks hideous.
FAULT: Either you haven't had enough to drink, or they've flipped on the lights for last call.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll have.
Man replies "A Вееr and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts".
Bartender shakes his head and gives him his drinks.
All night, each time the bartender asks for his order the man says "A Вееr and a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts".
Finally the bartender asks the man what trouble he's talking about.
The man says "Give me a вееr and I might just tell you".
The bartender replies, "Sorry, you've had your limit for the night".
The man says "Ohh, now the trouble starts"..

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
''I got in a tiff with Riley.''
''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.''
''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.''
''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?''
''Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's left воов.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

"Hey, Nice Tie!"
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Suddenly he hears someone say, "Hey, nice tie!" The man looks up to try to find out who said it, but no one was around.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up again, but there's nobody there.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
The bartender replies, "It's not me; it's the complimentary peanuts."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Men jokes

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Dog jokes

Once upon a time, Three Little Pigs walk into a bar. The first pig orders 10 beers, downs them, and then asks for the bathroom. The second pig orders 15 beers, downs them, and asks for the bathroom. The third pig orders 20 beers, downs them, and then sits there eating peanuts.
"Aren't you going to ask for the bathroom?" asks the bartender.
"Nope. I'm the pig who goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Beer Jokes

Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Religion jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes

One Tequila... two Tequila... three tequila... FLOOR!

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

How Tall Is It?
A man was walking down the street and on the corner were 3 drunks trying to raise a telephone pole. They worked and worked and finally got the thing in the air. Two of of the drunks held the pole and the other climbed on top. He let down a a tape measure. This fellow couldn't take it any more so he asks what they were doing.
They said, ''We are measuring this pole.''
The man asks, ''Why didn't you measure it on the ground?''
They said, ''We know how long it is, now we want to know how tall it is.''

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

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