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1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.8. The patient refused an autopsy.9. The patient has no past history of suicides.10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.14. She is numb from her toes down.15. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.16. The skin was moist and dry.17. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.18. Patient was alert and unresponsive.19. Rестаl exam revealed a normal size thyroid.20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.21. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.22. Both вrеаsтs are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.23. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.24. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.25. The patient was to have a воwеl re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.26. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.27. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.28. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who feltwe should sit on the abdomen and I agree.29. Patient has two teenage children, but no otherabnormalities.
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There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said,
"I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
Blonde Jokes
There were three men traveling together, a priest, a farmer and a lawyer. It was starting to get late and they needed to find a place to sleep. They came across this farm and they asked the farmer there if they could spend the night. He said,
"Thats fine but my guest room is only big enough for two people, one of you will have to sleep in the barn." The priest said,
"I don't mind sleeping with God's creatures, I will take the barn." So they all agreed and went to their rooms. About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the priest. "There is a chicken in there that won't stop clucking! I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."
"That's ok," said the farmer, "I'll sleep in the barn, after all, I'm used to it." So they all agreed and traded places. About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door and there stood the farmer. "I can't stand the odor from that соw in there any more. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."
"Well, I guess that leaves me," said the lawyer. So he went to sleep in the barn. About an hour later there is a knock at the guest room door and there stands the chicken and the соw.
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Blonde Jokes
The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that вееr actually does make you smarter....."One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went:Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of вееr eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Don't you feel smarter after a few?
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