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My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last…
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Leeds, mine is in Brighton.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
"Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”, so I bought her an electric chair.
My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburettor. When I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.”
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off…
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”
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An old farmer wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. "What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

"Don't know what collateral means."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, I have a 1979 pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"I don't know; it has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put it in my pocket."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.

"I don't know what deposit means."

"Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The man leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"
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INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don’t have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment. You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the соw drops dead. You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind. You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.
ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary соw and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon соw images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vоdка.
CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS
You have a соw and a bull, you let the соw be president and the bull be prime minister and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.
Какво е социализъм, комунизъм и капитализъм? Обясняваме с крави: Основни понятия Феодализъм: Имате 2 крави. Вашият господар прибира част от млякото. Социализъм: Имате 2 крави. Давате едната на съседа. Комунизъм: Имате 2 крави. Държавата прибира и двете крави и ви дава малко мляко.... Светска политика Voodoo Enronomics SI al menos me lo hubieran explicado así en el colegio... SOCIALISMO Tienes 2 vacas... pero el Estado te ordena regalarle una a tu vecino. COMUNISMO Tienes 2 vacas. El estado te las quita y te regala la leche. FASCISMO Tienes 2 vacas. El estado te las quita y te vende la leche. NAZISMO Tienes... SOCIALISMO Tenés 2 vacas. Le regalás una a tu vecino. COMUNISMO Tenés 2 vacas. El estado te quita las dos y te regala un poco de la leche. FASCISMO Tenés 2 vacas. El estado te las quita y te vende... Funktionsweise verschiedener sozialer Systeme anhand eines einfachen Beispieles: Sozialismus Du besitzt zwei Kühe. Eine Kuh musst du deinem Nachbarn abgeben. Kommunismus Du besitzt zwei Kühe. Die Regierung nimmt dir beide weg und verkauft dir die Milch. Nationalsozialismus Du besitzt zwei Kühe.... Η παγκόσμια οικονομία με παραδείγματα Capitalismo ideal: Você tem duas vacas. Vende uma e compra um touro. Eles se multiplicam, e a economia cresce. Você vende o rebanho e aposenta-se, rico! Capitalismo americano: Você tem duas vacas.... Traditionell kapitalism: Du har två kor. Du säljer den ena och köper en tjur. Hjorden förökar sig och ekonomin växer. Du säljer dem och kan pensionera dig på inkomsten. Ett amerikanskt företag: Du... De verschillende economische systemen uitgelegd aan de hand van koeien *Socialisme* Je hebt twee koeien en je geeft er één aan je buurman die geen koeien heeft. *Communisme* Je hebt twee... Sosialismi: - Sinulla on kaksi lehmää. Valtio antaa toisen niistä naapureillesi. Fasismi: - Sinulla on kaksi lehmää. Hallitus ottaa molemmat ja ampuu sinut. Maolaisuus: - Sinulla on kaksi lehmää....
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- Абе Гоше, как мислиш, т'ва Google жена или мъж е? Google е женско 100%! Има одговор за се. Q: Is google a boy or girl? I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?" My simple answer is: It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion. Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. Google es como una mujer, no te deja terminar una frase cuando empieza a sacar conclusiones y a hacer sugerencias... Дорогой Гугл, пожалуйста, перестань вести себя как моя жена: позволь мне заканчивать фразы самому, вместо того чтобы подсказывать их окончание. Google ist definitiv weiblich. Sie lässt dich nicht ausreden, ohne bereits etwas anderes vorzuschlagen. Google et les femmes, c'est pareil. Les deux donnent une suggestion avant que t'ais fini ta phrase... - Τo google είναι θηλυκό ή αρσενικό? - Θηλυκό, επειδή κάνει συστάσεις πριν τελειώσεις την πρόταση σου Er Google en mand eller en kvinde? – En kvinde, fordi du ikke får lov til, at sige noget færdigt før du får et forslag Google Er Google en hun eller en han? Det er en hun, for den lader dig heller ikke færdiggøre din sætning, før den kommer med et forslag. Hvordan man med sikkerhet kan si at Google er ei kvinne? - Du får aldri sjansen til å fullføre en setning uten at hun kommer med et forslag.
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A blonde joke An Irishman, an Aussie and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Aussie opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Steak again! If I get steak one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, strasburg again! If I get a strasburg sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Aussie opened his lunch, saw steak and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the strasburg and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Aussie's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him ham & cheese! I didn't realise he hated steak so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch.
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