Latest Jokes

My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes, but I told them I couldn't just quit "cold turkey." Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don't eat this much! A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She turned to the stock boy and asked, "Do these turkeys get any вiggеr?"
"No, ma'am," he replied. "They're dead." What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? - Peach gobbler! Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving dinner.
Dad: Why? Is it broken? Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Tamara.
Tamara who? Tamara we'll have turkey leftovers! Why did the cranberries turn red?
Because they saw the turkey dressing! Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckles on their hats! What did the turkey say to the computer?
“Google, google, google.” What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi. A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying 'that smells good' to be helping.
Jimmy Fallon Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey because it’s already stuffed! Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken. "What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?"
"If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!" What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Lucky. If Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
Their age! What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?
A: I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
One-Liner Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes
The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with cutting down a tree without having permission to do so, using a chain saw."

From out in the gallery, a woman shouts, "Lying miser!"

"Silence in the court!" the Judge says. He turns to the defendant and says, "You are also charged with cutting a hedge in a protected area using an electric hedge trimmer."

"You tightwad!" the same woman in the gallery blurted out.

"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge. To the defendant, "You are also charged with using an electric drill outside your house during night hours."

"You good for nothing..." the woman from the gallery yelled.

The judge thundered at the woman:
"If you don't tell me right now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"

The woman answered, "I've lived beside that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a тооl when I needed to borrow one!"
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