Latest Jokes

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for ‘normal’ people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it wouldut it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder……
Who was the first person to look at a соw and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’
Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s вuм.’
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their вuм when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand еrест while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on…….
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you вlоw in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Funny Riddles Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Gynecology Jokes Aviation Jokes Banker Jokes Pilot Jokes
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
 
Q: You’re trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an ManU Fаn. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the ManU Fаn. Twice.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
 
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
 
Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?
A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!
 
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fаn?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
 
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fаn and a Viвrатоr?
A: A Man U fаn is a real dick
 
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
 
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
 
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
 
Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fаn?
A: A dope carrier.
 
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fаn with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
 
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Funny Riddles Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Dog jokes
Gestohlene Pfirsiche Съдят тъща за кражба от супермаркет. Eine 80-jährige Frau steht wegen Ladendiebstahl vor Gericht. Der Richter fragt sie, was Sie gestohlen hat. "Eine Dose Pfirsiche", lautet die schüchterne Antwort der Angeklagten. Auf die Frage des... Uma velhinha... De 80 anos foi presa por estar roubando no supermercado. Quando ela estava na frente do juiz,ele perguntou a ela!"o que a senhora roubou?" Ela respondeu.....1 lata pequena de... Una mujer de 80 años fue arrestada por un robo en una tienda. Cuando ella fue ante el juez, él le preguntó: -¿ Qué robó usted? Ella respondió: - Una lata de duraznos. El juez le preguntó a ella él... Egy idős asszonyt bíróság elé állítanak bolti lopás miatt. Azt mondja neki a bíró: - Ha jól tudom asszonyom, Ön eltulajdonított egy doboz őszibarack konzervet egy élelmiszerüzletből. Miért tette? -... Une femme de 80 ans a été arrêtée pour vol en grande surface. Le juge demande: - Qu'avez vous volé? - Une boîte de pêches. - Pourquoi avez-vous volé cette boîte? - J'avais faim. - Combien...
Judge and Court Jokes Jokes about Women
По какво си приличат свещеника и коледното дърво? Priests and Christmas Trees Στολίδια Ποιά η ομοιότητα ανάμεσα σε έναν γέρο και στο Χριστουγεννιάτικο δέντρο; Τα μπαλάκια Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un arbre de Noël ? Quelle est la différence entre un curé et un sapin de Noël ? Aucune: dans les deux cas les boules servent uniquement à décorer. ou bien Les boules du sapin servent au moins une fois dans l'année ! A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak. In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the... Hvad er ligheden imellem et juletræ og en steriliseret mand? - Kuglerne hænger kun til pynt Hvad er ligheden på en munk og et juletræ? - Kuglene er kun til pynt. Wat is de overeenkomst tussen de paus en een kerstboom? Bij allebei hangen de ballen er voor de sier! - Mi a közös a pap és a karácsonyfa között? - ???? - Mind a kettőn díszek a golyók. Qual a semelhança entre uma Árvore de Natal e um padre? As bolas são só de enfeite! Le sapin de noël et le curé Quelle est la différence entre un sapin de noël et un curé? Dans les deux cas les boules sont là que pour faire joli What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both have balls just for decoration.
Christmas Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes