Newest jokes - Page 714

1/ A budding poet trying his best…
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some ваsтаrd stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
2/ Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this…
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
3/ Someone who had a different experience wrote,
You’re lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fаrт,
And shiт my pants!
4/ Perhaps it’s true that people find inspiration in toilets.
I came here
To shiт and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.
5/ There are also people who come in for a different purpose…
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shiт and stink,
But I come here to scratch my ваlls,
And read the вullshiт on the walls …
6/ Toilet walls also double as job advertisement space……. (written high upon the wall)
If you can рiss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.
7/ Ministry of Environment advertisement.
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please
8/ On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance .
9/ And finally, this should teach some a lesson… Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food…please aim properly .

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THINGS I HAVE BEEN PONDERING
….
** Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
…
** If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
…
** Why doesn’t a clever marketer come up with a mouse-flavored cat food?
….
** Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
….
** Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
…
** Is Disney World really a people trap operated by a mouse?

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Food Jokes Philosophy Jokes

I love my life, but it just wants to be friends…

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Friendship Jokes Philosophy Jokes

Q: What do you call a black guy with a fаn?
A: Antique air conditioner.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q: Where does a black jew go?
A: The back of the oven.

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Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes Morbid jokes

It's not what man can create it's what man can become.

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Men jokes Motivational Jokes

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!

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Office and Work Jokes Motivational Jokes

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your воовs, say don’t, and when he touches you vаginа, say stop.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

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Masturbation jokes Misunderstanding Jokes Boob Jokes

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:
"Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap it with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"We now need a new computer."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Masturbation jokes

Those who have some means think that the most important thing in the world is love; the poor know that it is money.

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Money jokes Love Jokes

It's not a relationship until you argue about whose turn it is to apologize.

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Relationship Jokes Love Jokes

Which runs faster, hot or cold?
Hot.
Everyone can catch cold.

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Life Jokes

Q: Why is marriage not a word?
A: It's a lifelong incarceration!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Prison Jokes Life Jokes

Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes

Chuck Norris has an iPhone with whole apple.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes

Years ago Chuck Norris set up a simple little home network and gave it a name.
It's called the internet.

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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Internet Jokes

Two old women were talking about their sеx lives.
Ethel was upset because her sеx life had really died, while Mildred said her sеx life was great.
Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head.
When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sеx the rest of the night."
Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."
While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes.
She struggled to get both legs behind her head.
After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.
Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face.
"For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-аss student pipes up:
"What about extreme sеxuаl exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with:
"Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Facebook is like a fridge.
Every a few minutes you keep opening and closing it to see if there's anything good in it.

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Facebook Jokes History Jokes

Yo mama is sтuрid, she put a book in her friend face and named facebook.

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Facebook Jokes Friendship Jokes Yo Momma Jokes History Jokes Stupid Jokes

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