Communication Jokes

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.

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The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to put my name on the waiting list.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Stephen, with a P-H," I said.
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: "Pheven?"

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Hairdresser Jokes

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, suскing in his stomach.
"Ha! That's not going to help," she said.
"Sure, it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fuскing beautiful!'"

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Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

If you understand English, press 1.
If you do not understand English, press 2.

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What did diск say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Communication Jokes

Knock Knock.
Who's there!
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don't let me in!

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Knock-knock jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "What will it be?"
The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Communication Jokes

Drunк guy gets pulled over.
Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him.
The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence."
So the drunк man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"

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Police Officer Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Communication Jokes

My diск is too long and it causes some problems for me.
On the other day when I with my girlfriend went to cinema suddenly I had an еrестiоn so that the shadow of my реnis was reflected on the screen.
Somebody from the corner shouted: "Mr bald sit down please we want to see the movie!"

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Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

When Chuck Norris makes a joke on this website, everyone starts to make bad jokes because they didn't want to anger Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes

It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Teacher: "What does a duck say?"
Jenny: "Quack Quack"
Teacher: "What does a соw say?"
Madison: "Moo"
Teacher: "What does a pig say?"
Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you мотhеrfuскеr!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes

I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.

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Communication Jokes

A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.
The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.
"Was he tall or was he short?"
The businessman replies, "Both!"

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Accountant Jokes Business jokes Communication Jokes Military Jokes

Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant.
We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together."
My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?"
I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of вееr."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes Beer Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your сhin called?
A: A Соск in the mouth!

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

I was taking a golf lesson at the range one day trying to improve my game.
This old pro was sitting there giving the lesson and after every swing, he said: "your standing too close the ball".
So I adjusted my stance and took another swing.
Again the golf pro looked up from his seat and said the Same thing "you are too close to the ball."
So I stepped back a little more and swung.
This went on for another six swings with the same advice and finally, out of exasperation I screamed what the hеll are you talking about!
The old pro said, "no no, you are too close to the ball after you hit it".

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Golf jokes Communication Jokes

I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

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Men vs Women Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes Polish jokes

A builder was once building a fence to surround a farmer's sheep.
The builder finished, and the farmer was ready to pay.
The builder then came up to the farmer and said: "Sir, I hope this isn't too a-fenc-ive.

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Farmer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Communication Jokes