Computers - Page 6

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

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Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses?
A: Because they don't C#.

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IT jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Nerd jokes

What's an extroverted IT professional?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

I provide technical support for the computer software published by my company.
One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on a Macintosh.
The procedure required him to delete an old file.
On the Mac, there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted.
I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash.
Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash."
Obediently he replied, "Yes, dear."

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3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar.
A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Nerd jokes

Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.

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Chuck Norris finished the Never Ending Story.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes

Yo mamma so sтuрid her password needed 8 characters, so she typed "Snow White and the 7 dwarfs

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Yo Momma Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Stupid Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Animal Jokes Computer Jokes

Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Light bulb jokes

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes

You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts...
Man, and do you have life?
OMG, No! Could you send me a link?

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Facebook Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Social Network Jokes Men jokes History Jokes

Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"

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Programmer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Two computers in the same LAN chatting one night:
PC1: I was having a nightmare last night, it was so horrible.
PC2: Why, what did you dream about ?
PC1: I was sleeping, dreaming 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 when all of a sudden a 2 popped up!

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Computer Jokes

Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy.

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Computer Jokes Jokes about Women

God called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates to come to a conference.
And when they were all there, God said, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is that I'm really fed up with the way things are on Earth; so, I've decided to destroy it. The good news is that I'm giving you one week's notice."
So, Bill Clinton called into session the joint houses of Congress and announced, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week."
Boris Yeltsin called into session the Communist Party and announced, "I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God after all. And the worse news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week."
Bill Gates called all of his programmers, marketing experts and administrators together and announced, "I've got good news and I've got better news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth. The better news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95."

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A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s вrеаsт.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.

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Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"

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A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife :
Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!!
What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
No, restart the router, please!

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IT jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Men jokes