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Dark Humor Jokes

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It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
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Pet Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes American Jokes Dog jokes
Q: What's faster than the speed of light?
A: A jew passing Germany.
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Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Morbid jokes
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
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Cannibal Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Tax jokes Morbid jokes
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car.
It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
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Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sеx.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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Sex Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dad Jokes
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.
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Dark Humor Jokes Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes
Как да потопим подводница, управлявана от чукчи? Blonde Submarine Πως μπορείς να βυθίσεις ένα ποντιακό υποβρύχιο; Το υποβρύχιο How do you sink a submarine full of blonds? Капитан на боен кораб подозира, че отдолу ги дебне вражеска подводница и праща водолаз да провери. След 2-3 минути той изплава и докладва: Как се потапя подводница? - Почукайте, все някой идиот ще отвори! Wie versenkt man ein ostfriesisches U-Boot? – Einfach anklopfen! Irgendeiner wird schon aufmachen. Comment fait-on pour couler un sous-marin belge? On tape au hublot, il y a toujours un con pour ouvrir. Wie versenkt der böse Mensch ein ostfriesisches U-Boot? - Er taucht unter, klopft höflich an - irgendeiner macht sicher mal auf. Hur sänker man en norsk u-båt? - Knackar på och de öppnar Hur sänker man en finsk ubåt? Man simmar ner och knackar på, varpå finnarna öppnar och säger: - Vi är minsann inte lika dumma som norrmännen! Hur sänker man en norsk ubåt ? Simmar ner och knackar på! Hur sänker man en Norsk ubåt en andra gång? Man dyker ner och knackar på. Då öppnar norrmännen och säger, - Det där går vi inte på en gång till! - Hur sänker man en norsk ubåt? - Man simmar ner och knackar på. - Hur sänker man den en gång till? - Man simmar ner och knackar på. Norrmännen öppnar och säger: - Nejdu, den här gången går vi... Q: How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? A: Knock on the door. ¿Cuántos atlantes se necesitan para hundir un submarino? Dos, uno afuera que golpee, y otro adentro que abra la escotilla. - Vet du hur man sänker en norsk ubåt? - Nej. - Man dyker ner, knackar på och simmar iväg. - Vet du hur man sänker den igen? - Nej. - Man dyker ner, knackar på och så öppnar en norrman som... - Vet du hur man sänker en norsk U-båt ? - Nej! - Man simmar ner dit å knackar på, å öppnar dom dörren å sjunker...! Vet du hur man sänker den igen ? - Nej! - Man simmar nej dit å knackar på,... Instrukcja jak utopić blondynkę: - Zapukaj do łodzi podwodnej - ona na pewno otworzy. Wie versenkt man ein Schweizer U-Boot? Man klopft an und sagt:„Heut ist Tag der offenen Tür.“ Ved du hvordan men synker en århusiansk ubåd? - Du svømmer ned og banker på lugen. Jak zatopić łódź podwodną pełną blondynek? - Zapukać do drzwi. - Hogyan lehet elsüllyeszteni egy szőke nőkkel teli tengeralattjárót? - Be kell kopogni! Hvordan sænker man en norsk ubåd? Hvordan sænker man en norsk ubåd? - Man svømmer ned og banker på døren. Cum poţi scufunda un submarin plin cu blonde? Baţi la uşă!
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
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Irish jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.
They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
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Dark Humor Jokes Kids Jokes
Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.
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Jewish Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hitler Jokes Morbid jokes
Why did Osama Bin Laden кill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
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Halloween Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his аss.
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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Boycott Jokes Rude Jokes Cannibal Jokes
What do you call a girl who does not маsтurвате?
A liar
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Masturbation jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Life Jokes
A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Beauty Jokes
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes
Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting?
A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two ваlls!
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Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Morbid jokes
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is a Christian sаinт and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock.
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could вlоw the сrар out of him."
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Valentine's Day Jokes Religion jokes Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Love Jokes American Jokes
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
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Funeral jokes Dark Humor Jokes
Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ?
A. Nothing, yet.
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Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes
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