Food Jokes - Page 14

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"

74 0

A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant.
The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special.
With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping.
It smells delicious and tastes even better.
The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish.
"Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's ваlls you ate."
The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it.
Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant.
Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish.
Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table.
But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?"
The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"

38 0

Mexican jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Restaurant Jokes

Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet?
A: A free for all.

37 0

Democrat jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Political Jokes

Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam!

74 0

Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Food Jokes

Yo mamma is so fат when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.

38 0

Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!

37 0

Sports Jokes Food Jokes

Whats long and Black??
The KFC line.

1 0

Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?"
"Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!"
The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife.
So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sеx in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!"
The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."

66 0

Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

38 0

Science jokes Food Jokes Chemistry Jokes Nerd jokes

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law.
The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary.
The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."

39 0

Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Lawyer Jokes Restaurant Jokes

A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine.
Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast.
As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover.
His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff.
The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer.
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head.
He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female.
"Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"

79 0

Judge and Court Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Lawyer Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"

38 0

Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Phone jokes

Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl?
A: Her-She Kisses.

80 0

Valentine's Day Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes

Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?"
"Bread"
"Yes"
"Hamburger"
"Ok"
A five years girl answered "Light",
"Омg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?"
"Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".

36 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!

38 0

Old People Jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant.
The waiter brought the food and put it on the table.
After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

38 0

Waiter Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day.
They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon.
They notice she isn't wearing any раnтiеs.
"Is it cooler without раnтiеs?" they ask.
She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."

39 0

Gross Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

35 0

Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Military Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!

37 0

Fitness jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes

A guy dies and is sent to hеll.
Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis.
Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing.
After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hеll, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me."
The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected.
But finally he decides to inspect the area.
Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around.
Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hеll from an area underneath, and there is hеll as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone.
Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!"
The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."

37 0

Religion jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes Catholic Jokes Sick and Death Jokes