Food Jokes - Page 34

A homeless guy knocked on my door last night:
“Excuse me, do you have any spare food?”
“Yeah, do you mind if it’s yesterday’s dinner?”
“Not at all.”
“Come back tomorrow then.”

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Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner?
A: Toast their clients.

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Office and Work Jokes Christmas Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Tax jokes

The cannibals on the island Borneo have caught and after that have grilled one gypsy boy on a turnspit.
They had to turn him really quickly above the burning fire because at a slower speed of rotation he managed to steal the potatoes from the live coal.

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Morbid jokes

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast.
At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse.
“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.
“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Food Jokes

Inside a Best Buy store.
Customer:
"Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder."
Coworker:
"We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?"
Customer:
"Collard greens."

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Food Jokes Customer service jokes

One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner.
They have many ideas but each idea doesn't sound good.
Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door.
The mother answers it and it's a nun saying she's going door to door giving out soup to families.
She takes the bag of soup and thanks to the nun.
They all go to the kitchen and grab a bowl and then pour the soup into bowls.
The father says "this soup stinks!"
The mother says "honey a nun brought it to us be grateful."
The father then tastes it and says "ew it tastes like shiт" and the mother say s "honey just keep eating."
After they finish they go to the living room and the news is on.
The reporter says "the man dressed as a nun delivering raw sewage door to door has been caught" they all puked.

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Food Jokes Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Vulgar jokes

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes Birthday Jokes

Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A:
"Kids, prepare the cutlery and your сhin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Weather jokes

Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun."
"Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII."
"Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

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Food Jokes Old People Jokes Love Jokes School Jokes

Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other:
"Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says:
"Ah! A talking muffin!"

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Men jokes Life Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dоng.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

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Food Jokes Science jokes Chocolate Jokes Dog jokes

Where do the Borg eat fast food? – Borger King.

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Food Jokes Movie jokes

The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said:
"yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!

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Food Jokes Holiday Jokes Waiter Jokes Restaurant Jokes

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

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Food Jokes Friendship Jokes Birthday Jokes Cheese jokes

Your Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c*ck sucker again!?

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

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Food Jokes Donald Trump Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Cheese jokes American Presidents Humor

Donald: If I lose this election, I will leave the country.
Joe: Bi den

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Food Jokes US Election Jokes Donald Trump Jokes

KFC in Asia?
Korean fried cat.

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Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes