Internet Jokes

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NINE IMPORTANT FACTS TO REMEMBER AS YOU GROW OLDER
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel sтuрid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your вuтт tomorrow.
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Facebook Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Social Network Jokes Men jokes Internet Jokes
I met her on the Internet,
she said her name was Kiki,
I spoke to her one Saturday,
it soon became twice weekly.
I liked her face, her pointed сhin,
the way she touched her hair,
I loved her smile and glinting eyes,
and all beyond in there
I longed to meet her desperately,
but only could I dream,
of seeing her in the flesh
and not just on the screen
I booked my flight
and flew for hours,
I was feeling so elated
but finally, when we met
her face looked devastated
Why was this? I could not think.
Of course, I should have told her
I’m really only 4 feet tall,
and my head’s a lot more balder.
It always seemed too good for real,
the honeymoon was over,
I reluctantly went home again,
and wept as I flew over
and soon enough , I did groan,
the relationship had ended
she broke my heart
the wretched вiтсh,
and still it hasn’t mended
there is a happy ending though,
for after I lost Kiki,
I fell in love with Annabel
who doesn’t find me geeky
Anna is a lovely sight,
she makes me warm inside
I have to вlоw her up, you see
cause she’s my latex bride
Relationship Jokes Funny Poems Internet Jokes
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing and of course that means that Twitter and the Internet have exploded with jokes about their divorce and just how tragic Tom Cruise really is.
“Katie Holmes is Divorcing Tom Cruise. Apprently he’d been in A Few Good Men.”
“Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes finally decided that pretending to be in love was ‘Mission: Impossible’.”
“I was arguing with Tom Cruise about scientology. He said, ‘Try to see it from my point of view’. So I knelt down.”
“BREAKING: Katie Holmes cites Tom’s building of a space ship made from aluminium foil in living room as reason for divorce.”
“Tom Cruise wants to raise his kid as a Scientologist, and Katie Holmes wants to raise her as a Catholic. Either way this kid is sсrеwеd.”
“Oh, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting divorced? I bet Oprah’s couch is thrilled.”
Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Kids Jokes Social Network Jokes Men jokes Internet Jokes
You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When... 
· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened. 
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. 
· All of your friends have an @ in their names. 
· Your dog has its own home page. 
· You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem. 
· You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 
· You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. 
· You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher." 
· The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg. 
· Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
Friendship Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes Military Jokes Dog jokes
Fifty Children’s Books Now At Your Local Library
1-10
You are Different and That’s Bad
Take a Walk Down the Railroad Tracks with Me
Dad’s New Wife ‘Greg’
Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An “I-Can-Do-It” Book:
A Children’s Guide to Hitchhiking
Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
All Cats Go to hell
How to Kick Аss At School
11-20
Some Kittens Can Fly
Adoption: A Fresh Start
Grandpa’s new Casket
Fun With Abandoned Refrigerators
Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get your Way
Why You Were An Accident
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21-30
Pop! Goes the Hamster, And Other Great Microwave Games
The Man in the Moon is Actually Satan
Nightmares: Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
A Child’s Guide to Final Arrangements
Eggs, Toilet paper, and your School
Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
The Surprise at the Bottom of the Pool
If It Feels Good, Touch It!
31-40
Making Grown-Up Friends On The Internet
101 Fun Games To Play In The Road
You Can’t Help It If You’re Stupid
Patty Went Splat! (Don’t YOU Forget Your Seatbelt)
Bullies Have More Fun
Mommy’s Got A New Baby To Love
Timmy’s The Wrong Color To Be Your Friend
I Dare You! 101 Challenges To Prove You’re Not A Sissy
Michael Jackson’s “Fun” Place
Harry Potter and the Sтоnеd Sorcerer
41-50
Why Does Mommy Almost Sneeze So Much in Her Bedroom?
Who’s My Daddy?
Small Objects and Electrical Outlets
Different Daddies Each Day of the Week
Operation and Nomenclature of the Colt 1911 45 ACP
Little Hands, Big Toasters
How To Make A Plastic Bag Space Helmet
Santa Claus And Other Lies Your Parents Told You
Why Don’t We Celebrate Father’s Day Like Other Kids?
Fun With Things Under The Kitchen Sink
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