A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him.
"I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue.
"Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too."
Their exchange continues:
1st: "Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?"
2nd: "St. Catherine Street. And you?"
1st: "St. Catherine Street, same as you!"
2nd: "Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?"
1st: "St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy."
2nd: "Son of a вiтсh, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!"
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?"
The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunк again."
Little Johnny's dad was constantly bragging about him to everyone. He was always telling everyone he met how his little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, and little Johnny was the best kid ever.
One day little Johnny's dad was outside leaning on the fence talking to his next door neighbor. As usual it was "little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, little Johnny's the best kid ever."
Just then the school bus pulled up and little Johnny himself got off the bus. His dad was elated. He turned back to the neighbor and said, "There's my little Johnny now! Isn't he the best kid ever? I'll ask him how his day went." So when little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad said; 
"So little Johnny, how was school today?" "Oh school was great today dad! I had SЕX in school today!" Then little Johnny went on into the house. His dad turned to his neighbor and said ever so proudly, "That's my little Johnny, he had SЕX in school today! What a kid!"
Next day little Johnny's dad was back at the fence again talking to the next door neighbor as the bus pulled up again. As little Johnny was getting off the bus, his dad turned to the neighbor and said "There's my little Johnny, what a boy! Watch this, I'll ask him if he had SЕX in school again today!" As little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad called out to him "Hey little Johnny, did you have SЕX in school again today?" "Oh no dad, my вuтт's still sore from yesterday!"