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There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt.
The bad brother died.
The good brother missed him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven.
Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Неll instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother.
So God gave him the power of vision to see into Неll and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of вееr under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Неll, why does he have the keg of вееr and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
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Religion jokes God Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Beer Jokes
Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true? I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries!
Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything!”
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Син пита баща си: Συμβαίνει παντού Татко, вярно ли е, че в арабските държави - Папа, а правда, что на Кавказе жених узнает кто его невеста после свадьбы? Sohn: "Stimmt es, Vater, dass in einigen Teilen Afrikas die Männer ihre Frauen bis zum Tag ihrer Hochzeit nicht kennen?" Син пита баща си: El hijo le pregunta al padre: A little boy says: Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. - C'est vrai papa, que dans certaine parties de l'Afrique, un homme ne connait pas sa femme avant de se marier ? Le Père: - Et c'est pareil dans tous les pays... O filho curioso pergunta para o pai: — É verdade que em algumas partes da África o homem não conhece sua esposa até casar com ela? O pai responde cabisbaixo: — Aqui também é assim! - är det verkligen sant pappa att i vissa länder så känner inte mannen sin fru när de gifter sig? - Nej min son! Inte i vissa länder utan i alla länder! — Тату, а це правда, що в декотрих країнах Сходу наречений не знає, хто його дружина, поки не ожениться? — Це в будь-якій країні, синку! Een man en zijn zoontje lopen over straat. Vraagt het jongetje aan zijn vader “Papa, klopt het dat je als man in Afrika je vrouw pas leert kennen nadat je getrouwd bent met haar?” Waarop zijn vader... – Är det sant, pappa, att i vissa delar av Afrika känner inte mannen sin hustru innan de gift sig? – Så är det i alla länder, min son. Pepíček se ptá: „Tatínku, je pravda, že ve Východní Asii muž neví, koho si bere až do dne svatby?” Tatínek: „Víš Pepíčku, to asi platí ve všech zemích stejně.” - E adevarat, taticule, ca in unele parti ale Africii Barbatul nu isi cunoaste sotia decit dupa Casatorie? - La fel se intimpla in toate tarile! - Papa, il paraît qu'en Afrique, dans certains pays, les hommes ne connaissent leur femme que le jour du mariage. C'est vrai ? - Mais, c'est vrai dans tous les pays du monde, mon chéri ! Syn pyta ojca: - Czy to prawda, że w niektórych krajach Afryki mężczyzna nie zna swojej żony do momentu, aż się z nią ożeni? - To się dzieje w każdym kraju, synu... - Μπαμπά άκουσα ότι σε κάποιες χώρες της Αφρικής ο άντρας δεν γνωρίζει την γυναίκα που θα παντρευτεί μέχρι την ημέρα του γάμου τους. - Αυτό παιδί μου συμβαίνει σε όλες τις χώρες. O filho mais novo pergunta ao pai: — Pai, é verdade que em alguns países da África os maridos não conhecem suas esposas antes do casamento? — Não, filho. Isso acontece em todos países. Синот го прашува таткото: Вистина ли е дека во некои области на Африка мажот не ја познава жената сè додека не ја ожени? Таткото: Така ти е тоа, сине мој, во сите земји.
Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.
"What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"
"Yeah. I sсrеwеd a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"
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Старецот и панкерот Το παγώνι και ο πανκ... Един стар моряк гледа един пънкар, с разноцветно боядисан гребен. In der U-bahn sitzt ein alter Mann einem Punker gegenüber, der einen richtig schönen Irokesenschnitt hat. Nach einer Weile fragt der Punker den immer noch guckenden alten Mann: A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says: A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard. Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, "Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?" To this the old man replied, "Yeah,I f*cked a... Um velho entra no ônibus e senta na frente de um punk com mechas verdes, vermelhas, azuis, amarelas. Ele fica olhando para o punk por muito tempo. O punk já irritado pergunta para o velho: — O que foi vovô? Nunca fez nada de diferente quando era jovem? — Fiz sim! Uma vez eu transei com uma arara.... A Londres, un banquier de la city, très élégant avec chapeau melon, parapluie canne et costume noir rencontre un punk avec les cheveux rouges et verts à un arrêt de bus. Le vieux banquier regarde... Der Bauer kommt in die Stadt und sitzt neben einem Punk im Bus. Der Alte schaut den Punk mit der roten Kammfrisur die ganze Zeit an. Da raunzt der Punk: „Was guckste denn so doof, alter Sack?“ Der... Va un viejito por la calle y se tropieza con un muchacho de éstos todo Punk con los pelos parados y pintados de todos colores y vistiendo ropa escandalosa y estrafalaria. El señor se le queda... Bij een bushalte staan een oude en een jonge man. De jonge heeft een uitbundige rood-blauw-groene hanenkam en in neus en oren hangen de nodige ringen met kettingen van allerlei soort. De oude man... Um senhor de idade senta num banco no ônibus .... bem de frente com um punk de cabelos espetados, compridos, com mechas verdes, azuis, rosa e vermelhas. O senhor fica olhando fixamente sem... A una stazione un vecchio fissa un punk tutto con i capelli colorati e il punk dice: "nonno nella tua vita di merda non hai mai trasgredito?" il vecchio risponde: "si, da giovane mi sono inculato... En äldre man sitter på en parkbänk i staden när en ung man med spikrakt uppåtstående hår kommer och sätter sig bredvid. Killens hår är gult och grönt med orange och lila strimmor och ögonen är... Egy öregember üldögél egy padon. Odaül mellé egy punk csávó a szivárvány színeiben játszó tarajos hajával. Az öreg csak bámul rá. Végül a punk nem bírja tovább és megkérdezi: - Mi van tata, még... Gammel mand En gammel mand er ude og køre i tog. Foran ham i kupeén, sidder en punker med håret formet som en hanekam. Den gamle mand stirrer på ham med store øjne i meget lang tid. Det bliver til... Egy öregúr üldögél magában egy padon a parkban, amikor leül mellé egy punk. Az öreg elkezdi nézni a punkot, közelről vizsgálgatva a színesre festett haját. A punk odafordul az öreghez: - Mi van... En äldre man sitter på tåget. Efter en stund kliver det på en punkare med en stor, röd tuppkam och sätter sig mitt emot mannen. Mannen stirrar länge och intensivt på punkaren, och till slut får han... Un vieil homme est dans un restaurant. Sur la table d'à côté, il apercoit un punk avec une crète rouge. Il le regarde alors pendant un bon moment. Le punk, agacé par cela, se lève alors et se... Gjort noget helt vildt En gammel mand står på toget og sætter sig i en kupe, hvor der sidder en punker med hanekam og alt, hvad der nu hører sig til en punker. Den gamle mand og punkeren sidder... På en station steg en gammel mand på toget og satte sig ind i en kupé. Her kom han til at sidde overfor en punker med hanekam, øreringe og hele Pivtøjet. De sidder og kigger lidt på hinanden, og... Akropolyje ant suoliuko sėdi senukas. Netrukus ant to pačio suoliuko prisėda pankas su įspūdingai žalia - geltona - mėlyna - raudona skiautere. Senukas pažiūrėjo į panką, po to dar kartą...
Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Parrot jokes
An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!"
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits.
The machine suddenly sounds;
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
The man blacked out with the machine's ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine.
"But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
-You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your вullshiтs you.. lost the train!
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Accountant Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes American Jokes
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his diск and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his diск without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
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Дресьор на лъвове показва номер: на арене цирка выступает дрессировщик львов. со словами алле-гопп,... A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. В цирке. Выступает дрессировщик аллигаторов. Хищник открывает пасть, дрессировщик расстегивает ширинку и все свое хозяйство кладет в пасть аллигатору. Выступает мужик с крокодилом. Открывает крокодилу рот, кладет в него свое ``достоинство``, закрывает крокодилу рот и с размаху бьет крокодила по голове кулаком.... An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm. He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws... Un jour dans un cirque le dompteur de lion fait une démonstration à un groupe. Le dompteur descend son pantalon mais son sexe dans la bouche du lion , le lion ferme doucement sa bouche , le dompteur tape sur la tête du lion et le lion réouvre sa bouche le dompteur ressort son sexe , et demande... Dans un cirque, un homme ouvre la gueule d'un crocodile et y insère la tête. Tout le monde applaudi. "-Encore plus fort" dit il... "-Je vais y insérer mon sexe" La il tend un drap, et à travers on devine ce qu'il fait et en effet, il insère son sexe dans la gueule du crocodile qui de plus, sert... O atlético domador apresentava seu mais novo número com os leões. O domador punha os órgãos sexuais dele na boca do leão enquanto lhe aplicava fortes chicotadas. Grande sucesso. Todo mundo aplaudiu. Terminado o número, ele desafiou a plateia: — Alguém aí tem coragem de fazer a mesma coisa? Um... En man uppträdde på cirkus med en levande krokodil. Avslutningen av numret var en riktig rysare. Mannen drog ner gylfen och tog fram sin stolthet och placerade den mitt i gapet på krokodilen. Så stängde han krokodilens käft och stod alldeles stilla,... Facet w cyrku wychodzi na arenę z krokodylem. Staje na środku i kopie krokodyla w dupę. Krokodyl rozdziawił paszczę, a facet rozpina rozporek, wyciąga fiuta i kładzie krokodylowi na zęby. Potem bierze deskę i napierdala krokodyla po głowie. Krokodyl... Neue Attraktion in der Manege: Artist kommt auf die Bühne, holt seine Männlichkeit aus der Hose und steckt sie einem lebendigen Krokodil in den Rachen. Das Maul klappt zu - das Publikum hält den... Een man komt een café binnen met een krokodil. Hij gaat aan de bar zitten en legt de krokodil op de toog. "He!" roept de barman, "weg met dat beest, dat is levensgevaarlijk!" "Welnee," zegt de man,... En mann gikk inn på en pub i den australske outbacken med en krokodille under armen. Han stod opp på baren og skrek ut: «Hvis jeg stikker kødden og ballene mine inn i krokodillens munn, lar... Er komt een brede man met een grote krokodil de kroeg in lopen. Iedereen kijkt verbaast naar de krokodil en deinzen allemaal een stukje achteruit. De man zegt: “Er is geen reden om bang te zijn,... Er komt een man met een krokodil het cafe binnen en bestelt een biertje. De barkeeper ziet de krokodil en zegt: "Weg met dat beest, dat is veel te gevaarlijk." De man antwoordt: "Maar dat beest... Een man komt een café binnen met een krokodil. Hij zet het beest op de bar, trekt de kaken open, laat zijne broek zakken, doet zijn geslacht tussen de kaken van het beest en slaat vervolgens met... Komt er een brede vent de kroeg in. Met een hele grote krokodil. Iedereen valt dit meteen op en iedereen gaat dus ook aan de kant. De mensen zijn bang voor de man en voor de krokodil. waarop de man... A cirkuszban egy krokodilidomár világhírű produkcióját mutatja be. Gatyáját letolva, nem szégyellve hatalmas szerszámát, bedugja a krokodil szájába. Öklével hatalmasat üt az állat fejére, majd az... A fakír egy új mutatványt ad elő a színpadon. A közönség feszülten figyeli, miközben előveszi a nemi szervét, és beleteszi egy krokodil szájába, majd egy erőteljeset rácsap a krokodil fejére. A... Un dresor de crocodili apare in Fata unei multimi la gradina zoologica: - Si Acum dragilor o sa urmariti cat de bine e dresat acest Crocodil Infiorator! Langa el Pasea agale un monstru de crocodil.... Do baru vstoupí muž, který vede na vodítku aligátora. Postaví ho na stolek a začne vyvolávat: „Hej, vy všichni, uzavřu s váma sázku! Strčím tady tomu krokodýlovi do tlamy svoje genitálie, on... Vyksta cirko vaidinimas. Kulminacija - didžiulio dresiruoto krokodilo pasirodymas. Šviesos prigęsta, būgnai muša, dresiruotojas pasako "OLIA OP" ir krokodilas pražioja savo baisius nasrus. Tada... Cirkas. Pasirodo dresuotojas su krokodilu. Dresuotojas sušunka „OP!“ ir trenkia pagaliu krokodilui per galvą. Krokodilas išsižioja, ir dresuotojas įdeda savo organą jam į nasrus. Arenoje stovintis...
Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Single People Jokes
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'”
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Relationship Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something.
They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them.
Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes.
The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!"
The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
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Отишли руснакът и чукчата на риболов през зимата. Двајцата рибари и белата мечка Zwei Wanderer und ein Bär Οι Δικηγόροι Zwei Anwälte sind auf Löwenjagd in Afrika. Erschöpft von der vergeblichen Pirsch lehnen sie ihre Gewehre an einen Baum, um sich am nahen Bach zu erfrischen. Kaum haben sie das Bachufer erreicht, taucht der Löwe auf und schneidet ihnen den Rückweg zu den Gewehren ab. Sofort fängt einer der Anwälte... Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The... Чукча и геолог събират камъни на брега на океана. Изведнъж виждат към тях да се насочва огромна, свирепа бяла мечка. Чукчата започва бързо да си обува ските. Геологът: - Това е безполезно. Все едно не можеш да бягаш по-бързо от мечката. - А на мен не ми и трябва да бягам по-бързо от нея. На мен... Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I... Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man,... En advokat och hans klient var ute och gick då plötsligt en ilsken björn rusade mot dem. Advokaten öppnade fort sin portfölj, tog fram ett par joggingskor och satte på sig dem. Klienten skakade på... Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase,... Deux hommes sont partis à la chasse dans les Pyrénées. Soudain, un ours d’au moins deux cents kilos surgit de derrière un rocher et commence à les poursuivre dans les chemins rocailleux.... Deux touristes qui se promènent dans la brousse sans armes voient tout à coup venir à leur rencontre un lion en quête d’un bon repas. L’un des deux ouvre immédiatement son sac et commence à... Bir Amerikalı ile Japon safariye çıkmışlar. Her ikisi de son teknolojik Silahları da birbirlerine nazire yapmak için yanlarına almışlar. Derken uzakta bir aslan görünmüş. Amerikalı lazer tüfeğini... Brezsnyev és Kádár sétálnak az erdőben. Egyszer csak kiugrik eléjük egy medve, és éhes ordítással feléjük indul. Brezsnyev kétségbeesik, míg Kádár ledobja a csizmáját, elővesz a hátizsákjából egy... Šetaju dva lika šumom i naiđu na velikog besnog medveda koji se nameračio na njih. Jedan brzo skine čizme i krene da oblači sportske patike. Drugi ga gleda zbunjeno pa ga pita: - Misliš da ćeš u...
Friendship Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
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— Убили сте жена си, а не любовника! Защо? "Angeklagter, warum haben Sie ihre Frau und nicht ihren Liebhaber erschossen?", fragte der Richter. "Weil es einfacher ist, eine Frau umzubringen als jeden Tag einen anderen Mann!" No meio de um julgamento: — O senhor confirma — diz o juiz, — que chegou a casa mais cedo naquele dia e que encontrou a sua mulher na cama com outro homem? — Correto, meritíssimo — diz o réu, de... Durante un juicio el juez le pregunta al acusado: - ¿Entonces usted me dice que llegó a su casa antes de lo habitual y encontró a su esposa en la cama con otro hombre? - ¡Correcto, señor juez! -... - Czy oskarżony moze wytłumaczyć dlaczego zabił żonę a nie jej kochanka? - Wysoki sądzie, doszedłem do wniosku, że lepiej zabić jedną kobietę, niż co tydzień kolejnego mężczyznę.
Cheating Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes
There were three guys at a bar.
One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker.
The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shiт if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said.
So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. "
As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a viвrатоr. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuск herself."
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Бай Ганьо, американецът и англичанинът си говорят кой какво подарил на жена си. Um cara compra dois presentes de Natal para suas esposa. A mulher abre o primeiro presente:,- Veja só, um par de chinelos -, diz ela, enquanto se move rapidamente para o segundo presente. - Um vibrador? -, diz ela em estado de choque.,- Sim -, responde o marido. - Assim se você não... Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself. No velho bar de sempre, os três amigos bebiam e conversavam: — Acabei de comprar um colar de ouro com brilhantes e um anel de rubi pra minha namorada — disse o primeiro deles. — Sabe como é, se ela não gostar do colar, pelo menos vai gostar do anel. — E eu acabo de comprar um celular pra minha...
Student jokes School Jokes Men jokes Business jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes College jokes Cyclist Humor
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up.
The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!"
"I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
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Отишли руснакът и чукчата на риболов през зимата. Двајцата рибари и белата мечка Zwei Wanderer und ein Bär Οι Δικηγόροι Zwei Anwälte sind auf Löwenjagd in Afrika. Erschöpft von der vergeblichen Pirsch lehnen sie ihre Gewehre an einen Baum, um sich am nahen Bach zu erfrischen. Kaum haben sie das Bachufer erreicht, taucht der Löwe auf und schneidet ihnen den Rückweg zu den Gewehren ab. Sofort fängt einer der Anwälte... Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The... Чукча и геолог събират камъни на брега на океана. Изведнъж виждат към тях да се насочва огромна, свирепа бяла мечка. Чукчата започва бързо да си обува ските. Геологът: - Това е безполезно. Все едно не можеш да бягаш по-бързо от мечката. - А на мен не ми и трябва да бягам по-бързо от нея. На мен... Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I... Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't... En advokat och hans klient var ute och gick då plötsligt en ilsken björn rusade mot dem. Advokaten öppnade fort sin portfölj, tog fram ett par joggingskor och satte på sig dem. Klienten skakade på... Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase,... Deux hommes sont partis à la chasse dans les Pyrénées. Soudain, un ours d’au moins deux cents kilos surgit de derrière un rocher et commence à les poursuivre dans les chemins rocailleux.... Deux touristes qui se promènent dans la brousse sans armes voient tout à coup venir à leur rencontre un lion en quête d’un bon repas. L’un des deux ouvre immédiatement son sac et commence à... Bir Amerikalı ile Japon safariye çıkmışlar. Her ikisi de son teknolojik Silahları da birbirlerine nazire yapmak için yanlarına almışlar. Derken uzakta bir aslan görünmüş. Amerikalı lazer tüfeğini... Brezsnyev és Kádár sétálnak az erdőben. Egyszer csak kiugrik eléjük egy medve, és éhes ordítással feléjük indul. Brezsnyev kétségbeesik, míg Kádár ledobja a csizmáját, elővesz a hátizsákjából egy... Šetaju dva lika šumom i naiđu na velikog besnog medveda koji se nameračio na njih. Jedan brzo skine čizme i krene da oblači sportske patike. Drugi ga gleda zbunjeno pa ga pita: - Misliš da ćeš u...
Hunting Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains.
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Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded. Pourquoi les hommes ont un trou au bout du pénis? - Pour que l'oxygène accède au cerveau.
Dirty jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
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Banker Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes
How many Feminists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
1) None. Feminists can't change anything.
2) Two. One to sсrеw in the light bulb and one to berate any men who offer to help.
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Feminist Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
What would men do if they had вrеаsтs?
They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
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Men jokes Men vs Women Jokes
A lady buys some new furniture at Ikea.
She reads the instuctions and builds the wardrobe.
As soon as it"s built she a bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces.
The lady tries again and 5 minutes later another bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces.
The lady is furious and calls Ikea.
Ikea tell her that they will send a worker to build it.
When the worker arrives he builds the wardrobe and says:
"Ok, I"m going to my next client."
To which the lady says:
"NO! Wait! You"ll see, as soon as a bus comes by it will dismantle itself..."
The man agrees to stay to wait for the bus.
After a while the man says that he better get in the wardrobe to see where the problem is when the bus passes by, to which the lady agrees.
10 minutes later the husband arrives and say"s:
"Ahh lovely honey you bought us a new wardrobe..."
He opens it up and say"s: "SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
To which the worker replies:
"I"m waiting for the bus!"
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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!”
(”Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Сhrisт so that your sins may be forgiven.”)
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, “Why did you just stand there?
All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.”
“Scripture?” replied the burglar.
“She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
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Criminal Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the torture by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."
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Aviation Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Military Jokes
An old lady was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.
The instant she saw him she started crying. The mortician walked over to comfort her.
Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his fervent wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The mortician apologized and explained that traditionally they always put bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the funeral parlor to have one last moment with Albert before the funeral the following day.
When the mortician pulled back the curtain, she managed a smile through her tears as Albert was resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the mortician, “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful suit?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit,” the mortician replied.
“His wife was quite upset because she wanted him buried in the traditional black suit.”
Albert’s wife smiled at the undertaker.
“After that,” he continued, “it was just a matter of swapping the heads.”
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Funeral jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
A blind man and his dog walks into a bar and the blind man starts swinging hid dog around the barman says, "What are you doing?"
A blind man replies, "Nothing I'm just looking around!
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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dog jokes
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