Men jokes - Page 91

A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?"
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunк, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"

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What did God say when he made the first niggеrs?
Oops! Burnt another one!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Black People Jokes

One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."

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Insult Jokes Men jokes Stupid Jokes

You know who's mad at Kobe?
Every other player in the NBA.
You know why?
Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring.
Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum.
Cause you know how women are, man.
Women get upset:
"Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that вiтсh get my $3 million, too?"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A black guy and a Mexican jump off a cliff. Who wins?
Society

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Black People Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

After being married for twenty years to his lover, a gаy man dies. When the funeral arrangements have been set, the widower approaches the undertaker with a peculiar request, "I know we had plans to cremate his body, but will you please chop him up and put him in a extra spicy curry instead?" The undertaker asks, "Why would you want that?" The gаy widower replies, "So he will вlоw my аss out one more time."

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Boycott Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Two Aussie men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies (a small parrot native to Australia), one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun.

The first guy jumps off the cliff and on the way down the birds fly away. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his back. He looks up just in time to see his friend jump off too.

As the second guy falls the & parrot flies off, he pulls up his shot gun and shoots the bird just before he too crashes onto the rocks.

They lie there groaning in agony for a bit before the first guy says, “I really don’t see what is supposed to be so great about budgie jumping!”

The second guy lets out a groan and says, “I’m really not too impressed with free-fall parrot shooting either!”

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Australia Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."

"Who?"

"Dave Bronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave every single time."

"There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"He was something, huh?"

"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him."

"Well, I never actually met Dave."

"Then how do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow."

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Wine jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes Single People Jokes

There was a student who was desirous of taking admission for a study course.

He was smart enough to get through the written test, a GD and was to appear for the personal interview. Later, as the interview progressed, the interviewer found this boy to be bright since he could answer all the questions correctly. The interviewer got impatient and decided to corner the boy.

"Tell me your choice;" said he to the boy, "What's your choice: I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said:
"It's the DAY, sir."

"How???????" the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

Admission for the course was thus secured.

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College jokes Men jokes School Jokes

Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gаy bar.
One соndом says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shiт-faced?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

A man bought a new car.
Next day he is driving his car to office.
On the way he was waiting for the Signal.
Suddenly he opened the door and got down.
Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, "How much should I pay to turn right?"
The Policeman was astonished and asked, "Why are you asking like this?"
Then man showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road:
"Free Left Turn"

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

My dad was a complicated man.
He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know?
Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes Black People Jokes

What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice shout at him. “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,a brick will fall down on your head and кill you.”
The man stopped and a few seconds later a big brick fell down in front of him. The man was shocked that he wasn’t hit by the brick. The man went on and after a while he went to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.”
The man asked the voice, “Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?! And where the hеll were you when I got married?”.

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

If you catch a man…throw him back.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Man: Excuse me, Excuse me, do you no CPR?
Woman: (hopefully says) Yes
Man: Oh thank god
Woman: What is it?
Man: My diск isn't breathing, I think i need mouth to diск resuscitation.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Men jokes

One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95.
When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late.
The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunк got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in.
The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunк what he thought he was doing.
The drunк replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes Priest Jokes Math Jokes

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes.
That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

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Men jokes Life Jokes

Two women on their way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a рiss. One wipes her fаnny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath of flowers. Their two husbands were in the pub the next day. One says, “I’d better watch my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on.” The other man says, “That’s fсuк all, mine had a card wedged in her аrsе saying, We’ll never forget you. From all the boys at the firestation.

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