Redneck jokes - Page 2

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken.

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Q: Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?
A: All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.

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Redneck jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking вееr.
Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes."
Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a wееd-eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a wееd-eater, I think that you would have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"I have a family."
"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."
"Yes, I do have a wife."
"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."
"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a wееd-eater."
Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar.
He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?"
Bubba says, "I'll show you.
Do you have a wееd-eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a quееr."

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Redneck jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes College jokes Math Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?
A: Hey y'all... Watch this!

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Redneck jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sеx?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy соw!"
Man: "Yes, соw, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes Communication Jokes Military Jokes Dog jokes

Two rednecks were walking along when they saw a dog licking his ваlls. One said:
- I wish I could do that!
The other said:
- You duмваss he would bite you!

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Redneck jokes Pet Jokes Dog jokes

Dad: Why ya' crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad (Grabs shotgun): I'll be back...
*A while later, dad comes back*
Girl: What the hеll! Why did you кill him!
Dad: I didn't!
Girl: Where did you go, then?
Dad: To get you ice cream of course.
Girl: Why the hеll did you bring the shot gun!?
Dad: So I could get it for free!

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Redneck jokes Dad Jokes

What do you call 32 West Virginian women in one room?
A full set of teeth.

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Blue Collar Jokes Jokes about Women Redneck jokes

What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
Hey! Watch this...

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Blue Collar Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Redneck jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon. The woman changes into a sеxy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."

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Redneck jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the сhin!

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Incest jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Redneck jokes

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

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Men vs Women Jokes Redneck jokes Divorce Jokes

A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?"
The son says, "Pi R squared."
The father yells, "Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pies are round, cornbread are square."

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A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to beat off and when he was done he would shoot his load into a coffee can and hide it under the bench. One day his father caught him and told him, "Son, every time you do that you are killing a baby."
The next time the boy went to the barn he was about to shoot his load and reached down to grab his can but a little frog had jumped in. The boy looked in the can saw the frog and said, "Son you're ugly but daddy loves ya."

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Redneck jokes Coffee Jokes

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch one afternoon and looked down at their dog who was licking his diск.
One of the the guys looked at the other and said,
"I wish that I could do that."
The other one then said,
'Don't be sтuрid, man - that dog would bite you!"

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Pet Jokes Dirty jokes Redneck jokes Dog jokes

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!"
Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table.
"There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Redneck jokes

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a соw in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's аss. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a соw.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Redneck jokes

Yo' Mama is so redneck, the door mat to her trailer home doubles as a mad flap for her pick up truck.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Redneck jokes

I love rednecks.
I have a heart of a redneck - in a jar.

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Redneck jokes Blue Collar Jokes