Redneck jokes - Page 3

You know you're a redneck when your mom, dad, aunt, and uncle are two people.

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What do you call a redneck virgin?
a 7 year old that can run faster than her brothers

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Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sеx with?
Anything for the family.

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Two Yankee boys were driving through the South and was stopped by a State Trooper.
The trooper walked up to the open driver’s window, reached in, and slapped the driver on the side of his head.
"What did you do that for?" the driver asked.
"I don’t know how yall do it up north but here in Alabama, you have your drivers license ready when I walk up to the car."
The trooper took the license when it was offered, walked back to his unit and then returned the license to the driver.
He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window.
When the passenger rolled the window down, the trooper reached in and slapped the passenger on the side of the head.
"What did you do that for?" asked the startled passenger.
"Well," responded the trooper, "I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You’ll get about two miles down the road and then say, 'I wish that redneck woulda tried that with me!'"

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You know you're a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

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Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed.
One guy turns to the other and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says,
"Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

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Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck мurdеr:
Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.

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You might be a redneck if you think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

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The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark.
Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house.
A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked, "How сuм yer wearin' two jackets?"
"'Cause," said the redneck, "the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!"

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Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting.
They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.
The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you."
After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost.
He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him.
He then waits an hour and does it again.
He repeats this until he is out of ammo.
The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers.
He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.
The redneck answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows."

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Q: Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left everything to his beloved widow?
A: She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

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A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner.
The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh ваlls."
On seeing the 2 large matzoh ваlls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew.
Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally, he agrees.
He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.
"That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering...
"Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"

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Q: Why do rednecks like having sеx doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.

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During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle.
"Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said.
"What fer?" asked Pyle.
"Shorter hours."
"Good fer them!" said the redneck.
"Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"

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You might be a redneck if...
One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

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You're a redneck if:
- You have more fingers than you do teeth
- You cut your grass and find a car
- You consider Denny's a Fancy Restaurant
- Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
- Your age is higher than your I.Q.
- Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"
- You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear."
- You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
- You say "Watch this" every time before you go to the hospital.
Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.

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What is a redneck's last words?
Hold my вееr and watch this!

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What do two rednecks say after breaking up?
Lets just be cousins.

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A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
The receptionist: "What are you, an idiот?"
Redneck: "Why, is it required?"

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