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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!
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Víš, proč chce kuře přejít silnici? Ne? No, aby se dostalo na druhou stranu.
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As a pre-med student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted."It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
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A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop." The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
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Yesterday scientists revealed that вееr contains small traces of estrogen.
To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of вееr and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive...
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College Grads:
A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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Corpsalicious!
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's аnus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it.
''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''
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A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
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Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
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Substituting Rats for Lawyers Anwälte ersetzen Ratten Two Scientists were working late discussing ideas about behavior modification studies. Porque razon los cientificos ocupan cada vez mas abogados que ratas en sus experimentos ? 1) Hay mas abogados que ratas. 2) Nadie va a reclamar porque mates un abogado de mas. 3) La anatomia de los... I USA kommer man att börja använda advokater som försöksdjur i stället för råttor. Det blir inga protester för det är ingen som tycker att advokater är gulliga... Det finns alldeles för många. De... - O Instituo Pasteur anunciou que eles não vão mais usar ratos em experiências médicas. No lugar dos ratos, eles vão usar advogados. Eles tiveram três razoes para tomar esta decisão: - 1. Existem... I Californien er man begyndt at bruge advokater som forsøgsdyr i stedet for rotter. Det er der 3 grunde til: 1. Der er flere advokater end rotter 2. Det er ikke alt, man kan få rotter til 3. Der er... В Калифорния започнаха да използват адвокати като експериментални животни вместо плъхове, поради 2 причини: 1. Имат повече адвокати, отколкото плъхове 2. Няма риск лабораторните техници да се... Miksi tiedemiehet käyttävät kokeissaan rottia asianajajien asemasta? Rotilla on inhimmillisempi katse.
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Yo' Mama is so fат, NASA used her to plug a black hole.
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Yo' Mama is so nasty, her farts are classified as biological weapons.
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An optimist sees a glass half full.
A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
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Оптимистите твърдят, че чашата е наполовина пълна. To the optimist, Pour une personne optimiste, le verre est à moitié plein. Pour une personne pessimiste, il est à moitié vide. Pour l'informaticien, il est deux fois plus grand que nécessaire. - Para el optimista, el vaso está medio lleno. - Para el pesimista, el vaso está medio vacío. - Para el ingeniero, el vaso es el doble de grande de lo que debería ser. Der Optimist: "Das Glas ist halb voll" Der Pessimist: "Das Glas ist halb leer" Der Ingenieur: "Das Glas ist doppelt so groß wie es sein müsste" El Optimista ve la botella medio llena El pesimista medio vacía Y el ingeniero ve que la botella tiene el doble de tamaño del necesario para esta solución particular.
Science jokes
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”
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Das verlorene Elektron A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. Iba un átomo caminado por la calle con cara de preocupación. Un átomo conocido lo ve y le pregunta: Qué tal amigo, ¿Por qué tan estresado? Es que perdí un electrón, respondió. ¿Estás seguro? Sí, estoy completamente positivo. Due atomi si incontrano per strada. Il primo: "Come va? Tutto bene?". L'altro, mesto: "Uh.. no.. ho subito una perdita... un mio elettrone...". "Ma ne sei certo?". "Eh, si'... sono risultato positivo..." Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..." Molecule 1: I just lost an electron. Molecule 2: Are you sure? Molecule 1: I’m positive. Dos moléculas están caminando en la calle y chocan. Una le dice a la otra: “¿Estas bien” “¡No, perdí un electrón!” “¿Estas seguro?” “Positivo” Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks, "What's wrong?" "I have lost my electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies. Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one, "I've lost an electron!" The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" "I'm positive."
Science jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a вееr. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
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What does a subatomic duck say?
Quark!
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A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”
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Science jokes
Do you know the name Pavlov?
It rings a веll.
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Science jokes
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar.
And doesn’t.
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Schrödingers Katze geht in eine Bar… und geht nicht in eine Bar
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Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
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I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
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Science jokes
I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity.
I can’t put it down.
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