Science jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Two students talk:
"What are you reading?"
"Quantum physics theory book."
"But why are you reading it upside-down?"
"It makes no difference anyway."

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Science jokes Student jokes Stupid Jokes Nerd jokes School Jokes

The awkward moment when you mispronounce organism in science class.

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One-Liner Jokes Science jokes

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time.... "Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

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Science jokes School Jokes

A photon is checking into a hotel and the bellhop asks him "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

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Science jokes Geek jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Nerd jokes Hotel Jokes

I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.

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Science jokes Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes

Yo mama's so fат, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.

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Yo Momma Jokes Science jokes

Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
A: Classical conditioning.

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Science jokes Geek jokes Nerd jokes

Chuck Norris takes a meteor shower in the morning to freshen up.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Science jokes

A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."

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Pharmacist Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Science jokes Geek jokes Chemistry Jokes

Einstein and a colleague were sitting having a coffee chatting about physics.
His colleague suddenly stopped, pulled out a small notebook and wrote a couple of words in it.
Einstein asked "What was that for?"
His colleague replied. "I always carry a small notebook around with me, and then, if ever I have a good idea, I can make a quick note so as not to forget it later. You should try it Albert".
Einstein replied "Oh, I don't need one of those, I've only ever had two good ideas".

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Science jokes Coffee Jokes

Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"

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Kids Jokes Science jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert.
After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, John woke up his friend.
"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked John.
Jack thought for a minute and said.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
After a moment of silence, John spoke.
"It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiот."
Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.
"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.

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Friendship Jokes Hunting Jokes Science jokes Stupid Jokes

Three statisticians are out hunting.
Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left.
The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right.
The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"

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Hunting Jokes Science jokes Geek jokes Math Jokes Nerd jokes

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

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Geek jokes God Jokes Science jokes Math Jokes Religion jokes Physics jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Blonde Jokes Science jokes Stupid Jokes

George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean.
After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are".
Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.
George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground".
So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?"
The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".
George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer".
And Harry says "How can you tell?".
George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless".
That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry:
They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".

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Science jokes Lawyer Jokes Math Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Yo mama so fат she was the meteor that killed the dinos.

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Fat Jokes Science jokes Yo Momma Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space?
A: Moonopoly.

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Science jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
"Don't do that! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urinе and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."Jeffery figured he had nothing to lose, so he took his urinе sample to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urinе samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited $10.00. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter's using сосаinе. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife's pregnant - twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

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These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand. Or put her head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is so that there is something to hitch the meat to.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the воwеls, of which there are five - A, E, I, O, and U.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Science jokes