School Jokes

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Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems:
"Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a niggеr - why is that?
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black."
"And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?"
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black."
Then Leroy grins and says "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my реnis is much вiggеr than their penises."
"Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."

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A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

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A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition."
The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, аsshоlе?"

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A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.

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In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."

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A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"

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When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role;
And she made him eat spinach and study for school...

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A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

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Luke: Why did the M&M go to school?
Stan: I’m stumped.
Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

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Teacher:
"Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Alex:
"No, Miss."
Teacher:
"Then stop acting like a fool!"

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My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping.

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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

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Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
Class: The second one!

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Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”

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Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Аss.

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Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.

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A teacher was giving a lesson and was telling the pupils that we came from Adam and Eve.
A hand went up and the kid said, "But my dad told me that we come from apes, Miss?"
Miss replied, "Stay out of this one, Leroy!"

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Yo mama so fат when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.

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