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Computer Jokes

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Sатаn greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity.
You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table.
To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Sатаn, allowing Bill to enter the room. Sатаn locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer.
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Sатаn.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Sатаn.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
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Computer Jokes Geek jokes Vulgar jokes Wine jokes
A Genie Can Almost Do Anything Il Presidente del Consiglio camminando lungo la spiaggia inciampa sulla lampada e fa uscire un Genio. Questi gli dice che per ricompensa è disposto ad esaudire un suo desiderio. Il Presidente senza esitare dice: "Voglio la pace nel Medio Oriente. Vedi questa mappa? Voglio che questi paesi... A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans. Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish. He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World. The... Clinton finds a bottle, opens it and a genie pops out and grants him one wish. Clinton wishes for peace in the Middle East. The genie says there are some things even a genie can't do and tells Clinton to make another wish. Clinton says he wishes that... A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but... Una mujer está caminando en la playa y de pronto se encuentra una vieja lámpara. La recoge, la frota y ¡Paff! aparece un genio. La asombrada mujer le pregunta si le puede dar los clásicos tres... Un árabe caminaba por el desierto, cuando encontró una lámpara. Al abrirla ? sorpresa!, Apareció un genio: - Hola! Soy un genio de un solo deseo, a tus ordenes. - Entonces, quiero la paz en Oriente... Un árabe consigue una lámpara, la frota, el genio sale y le dice: - Solo te puedo conceder un deseo. El árabe le muestra un mapa y le pide paz para el Medio Oriente. El genio le dice que eso es... Era un musulmán que consiguió una lámpara mágica, de la que salió un genio al frotar y le concedió únicamente 1 deseo. - Quiero paz en Oriente Medio -Eso no es posible, tras 7000 años de guerras... Une femme se promène sur une plage et bute sur une vieille lampe. Elle se penche pour la prendre, la frotte et paf, un génie apparaît. La femme, étonnée, lui demande alors si elle pourra faire les... Un uomo sta passeggiando in un bosco alla ricerca di funghi, quando si imbatte nella più perfetta e antica lampada ad olio; inizia subito astrofinarla e appare il Genio: - Posso avere i miei tre... Kadının biri Maldivlerde bir kumsalda yürürken ayağı eski bir lambaya takılmış, kadın lambayı kumların içinden çıkarmış ve lambayı ovalamış.  Lambadan cin çıkmış. Kadın hemen: - "Üç hakkım var...
Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears.
The Genie says, "I have been trapped for 1000 years. As a reward you can make a wish."
Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage.
Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East.
The Genie replies, "I don't know I can do a lot, but this? Don't you have another wish?"
Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK.
The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes.
I wish you would make everybody love us.
The Genie says, "Let me see that map again."
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Genie jokes Computer Jokes
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses?
A: Because they don't C#.
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IT jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Nerd jokes
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
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Technology Jokes Programmer Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes Military Jokes
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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Technology Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes Internet Jokes
Yo mama is so sтuрid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.
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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes
What's an extroverted IT professional?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes
A group of computer science geeks were listening to a lecture about Java programming at a university.
After the lecture, one of the men leaned over and grabbed a woman’s вrеаsт.
Woman: Hey! That’s private OK ?
The man hesitated for a second looking confused.
Man: But I thought we were in the same class.
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Geek jokes Jokes about Women Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Men jokes Science jokes Military Jokes
God called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates to come to a conference.
And when they were all there, God said, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is that I'm really fed up with the way things are on Earth; so, I've decided to destroy it. The good news is that I'm giving you one week's notice."
So, Bill Clinton called into session the joint houses of Congress and announced, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week."
Boris Yeltsin called into session the Communist Party and announced, "I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God after all. And the worse news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week."
Bill Gates called all of his programmers, marketing experts and administrators together and announced, "I've got good news and I've got better news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth. The better news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95."
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Computer Jokes News and Politics Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Political Jokes Programmer Jokes American Presidents Humor
Two computers in the same LAN chatting one night:
PC1: I was having a nightmare last night, it was so horrible.
PC2: Why, what did you dream about ?
PC1: I was sleeping, dreaming 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 when all of a sudden a 2 popped up!
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Computer Jokes
Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
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Programmer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar.
A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Nerd jokes
There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
Yo mama is so sтuрid that when the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the 'Any' key.
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Yo Momma Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Stupid Jokes
"Жена, там ли си? Проблеми во тоалетот Разговор по телефона:
A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife :
Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!!
What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
No, restart the router, please!
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IT jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Men jokes
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
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Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Computer Jokes Love Jokes
Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy.
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Computer Jokes Jokes about Women
Имаш ли Twitter?! - ¿Tienes Facebook? - Si - ¿Twitter? - Si - ¿Página Web? - Claro - ¿Instagram? - Si - ¿Vida? - Si, pero casi nunca la uso
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts...
Man, and do you have life?
OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
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Facebook Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Social Network Jokes Men jokes History Jokes
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Light bulb jokes
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