Dog jokes

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Bill's been looking forward to this hunting trip for months.
He shakes his wife awake at the asscrack of dawn and says,
"C'mon woman, less'go! We gotta get them guns packed into the Chevy," and she says,
"No, honey, I don't feel good, you go on without me," and he says,
"You summ'вiтсh, do you know how long I've been plannin' this gоddамn couples huntin' trip!? If you wanna stay home and sleep in all day, then you can pick one'a two options! One: I gets'ta to fuск you in the corncutter, two: I gets'ta fuск you in the mouth," and she sighs and says,
"Well, I'm *not* going on this hunting trip, and I'm *not* going to let you fuск me in the аss, so I guess I'll give you a вlоwjов," and he says,
"Well alrighty then, I'mma go get the dogs ready, you sit here 'n warm up yer jaw."
So he goes, gets the dogs ready, comes back into the bedroom and asks if she's ready to "chug on the pud" and she says,
"Whatever, fine, just pull it out," and he does, but before she goes full-throttle she gives the peehole a little taster-liск and goes-- "**BLECH**, oh my God, why does your diск taste like shiт!?" And he says,
"The dogs didn't wanna go huntin' neither."
Chevy jokes Dog jokes
There was once a woman who was obsessed with naming everything she owned. She bought a house one day and couldn’t decide what to name it, so she told herself, “I’ll sleep on it, and the first thing I see tomorrow morning will be the new name of my house!”
She wakes up the next day and rolls over. Her spouse was outdoors doing yard maintenance. She noticed him bending over with his large hairy вuтт hanging out of his pants, so she named her house Hairy Вuтт.
When she stood up to assist her husband with yard work, a stray dog strayed into their lawn. They opt to keep it. She takes the dog for a stroll and notices that he sniffs all the sidewalk cracks, so she names him сrаск.
The next day the dog runs away, and she calls the police. She tells them, “I looked all over my hairy вuтт but couldn’t find my сrаск!”
Butt jokes Dog jokes
John was feeling guilty, so he went to church for a confession.
John: Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I stole some wood from a construction site.
The priest: Well what did you do with the lumber my son?
John: Well my sons wheelchair ramp was broken so I fixed it.
The priest: At least you did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My dog was cold so I built him a house.
The priest: I guess you still did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My car was cold, so I built it a two-car garage to keep it warm.
The priest: That is a little out of hand...
John: But father, I still had a little wood left. My wife had always wanted a вiggеr house, so I built a second floor for our house.
The priest: Whoa! That's way too much! You are going to have to make a Novena for penance. Do you know how to make a Novena?
John: No, but if you have the plans I have plenty of wood.
Long Jokes Dog jokes Priest Jokes