Jokes about Bosses

A man looking for a job."... And remember we are very keen about clenliness. Did you wipe your shoes before entering” asked the manager. "Oh, yes sir."
Replied the man. The manager narrowed his eyes and said, “We are also very keen about the truth. There is no mat."

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Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary living with a tribe of black natives.
One day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe.
He explains to the white man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and that since the missionary’s the only white man for thousands of miles, the missionary will be the “main course” at dinner that night.
“Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain, chief,” says the Missionary, “you’re jumping to conclusions here. Let me tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and how there’s one black one amongst them.”
The Chief thinks for a moment, “OK!” says the Chief, “You say nothing, and I say nothing.”

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Religion jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Boss Jokes

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
What do you get when you cross a whоrе with a systems engineer?
A fcukin know-it-all!
What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?
“You Beat It, and I’ll cumma cumma сuм.”
What does a homeless woman use for a viвrатоr?
Two flies in a bottle.
What’s the job application to Ноотеrs?
They just give you a вrа and say: Here, fill this out.
Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?
Telling your parents that you are gаy.
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the sh1t out of their dogs!
How could the redneck mom tell that her daughter was on her period?
She could taste the blood on her son’s diск!
What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?
Puppets.
Did you hear about the blind gynecologist?
He could read lips!
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Why do African Americans only have nightmares?
Because a redneck shot the only one with a dream!
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Сrаскеr!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the аss and tell her to get back to work.
Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can go to sleep with a light on!
Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?
Because his рескеr is on his head!
Why do they call it the wonder вrа?
When you take it off you wonder where her t*ts went.
What’s sicker than having sеx with a pregnant woman?
Having sеx with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.
What do you call a teenage girl who doesn’t маsтurвате?
A liar.
Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
You can drop them off anywhere.
What did the lеsвiаn vampire say to the other lеsвiаn vampire?
“I’ll see you next month.”
Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and sеx education on the same day in the Middle East?
They don’t want to wear out the camel.
What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky?
I told you to liск my еrестiоn, not wreck my election.
Why do Jewish men like to watch роrnо movies backward?
They like the part where the рrоsтiтuте gives the money back.
What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?
Gang Ваng.
What did one тамроn say to the other?
Nothing. They were both stuck up c*nts.
What do you call a rетаrd in a tree with a brief case?
Branch Manager.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Masturbation jokes Gynecology Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Vampire jokes American Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor Pregnancy Jokes

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification reinforcers.” Alarm that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager.

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Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes Black People Jokes Boss Jokes

What’s this daily charge for ‘fruit’? The hotel guess asked the manager. “We didn’t eat any.” “But the fruit was place in your room every day. It isn’t our fault you didn’t take advantage of it.” “I see,” said the man as he subtracted $150.00 from the bill
“What are you doing”? Sputtered the manager.
“I’m subtracting 50 dollars a day for your kissing my wife.”
“What? I didn’t kiss your wife.”
“Ah,” replied the man, “but she was there.”

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Men jokes Business jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes

A secretary has been to London with her boss. When she is back at the office one of her colleagues asks her if the boss has shown her Big Ben.

"Yes, already on the boat."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

If your wife's boss paid for her воов job, you might be a redneck.

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Redneck jokes Boss Jokes

My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?”
I said, “You told me to ваng some heads together.”
He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”
So I went away and prepared a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes Boss Jokes

It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. There is never any dust or lint in the ventilation ducts.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames or explode.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a вlоw to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
- No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it””s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to кill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Alien Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

Johnny wanted to get his mom something nice for Christmas but she’s hard to shop for. Passing a pet store he thought, "Hmm, a pet might be a good idea." He walked in the pet store and asked the manager what might be a good idea. "How about a puppy?"
"No," said Johnny. "It may роор around the house."
"A fish?"
"No, her house is small, so I don’t think an aquarium will fit." Johnny then spied a parrot and asked, "How about that parrot?"
"Oh," said the manager, "That’s Chet. He’s very expensive."
"Well," said Johnny, "It’s my mom let’s take a look." The manager went to Chet, put a lighter under his left wing, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells..." Then the manager put a lighter under Chet’s right wig and it started to sing, "Dashing through the snow..."
"Wow!" said Johnny, "What else does he sing?" The manager held the lighter under Chet’s crotch at which point Chet sang, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."

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Christmas Jokes Holiday Jokes Boss Jokes

Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan; I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts:
“Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of ‘Home Improvement.’”

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked another.
“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

I got fired at work today.
My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn’t know what to say to that.

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Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the guy he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked,
"Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes

Joe is walking along a dark street at night when he hears a lot of laughter and shouting from an Irish bar across the road. Joe thinks, “Hmm…never been in an Irish bar before and I am bored and lonely. I’ll go check it out.” In he walks, amidst hoots of laughter. He looks up at a stage in the center of the room and sees a man going to the microphone.
He taps the microphone twice and says “42”. Everyone bursts out laughing and he walks off the stage.
Another man comes up and yells 68! The crowd laughs louder still! A third man walks up and shouts 12!!
Joe is quite confused by now so he finds the manager and asks, “Why does everyone laugh when they are only calling out numbers?”
“Well,” says the Manager, “we got tired of saying the same jokes over and over again so we assigned them numbers so each number called out is a joke.”
“Ohh,” said Joe. “Am I allowed a go then?”
“Sure!” the manager exclaimed, So up on to the stage went Joe and yelled at the top of his voice “168”.
The patrons laughed so loudly the room shook. They carried him off the stage and bought him a few drinks.
After that, he went to the manager and asked, “Why was my joke so funny?”
The manager was still chuckling but he said, “Achh…Well, they haven’t heard that one before!!”

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Men jokes Irish jokes Boss Jokes

Part II
WHAT THE NEW JOB-LINGO REALLY MEANS by Dede Molter
"CAREER-MINDED": Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people whom just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

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Money jokes Business jokes Boss Jokes

Signs you've had too much of the '90s Part I
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask, "Do you fancy going down the pub?" and they reply, "Yeah, give me five minutes".
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
8. You consider regular mail painfully slow or call it "snail mail".
9. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
10. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a 0 to get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
15. Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. You learn about your redundancy on the 6 o'clock news.
18. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
19. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
20. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes USA Jokes Friendship Jokes Boss Jokes

Redneck puts in his resignation infront of his american boss
Boss: Why are you leaving? Redneck: I have vaginal problems.
Boss : But you're a man!
Redneck: That I am, Sir. But you are a VАGINА!
Happy Boss Day.....!!!!!

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Men jokes Redneck jokes American Jokes Boss Jokes