Jokes about Bosses

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The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification reinforcers.” Alarm that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.

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What do you call a black man in a tree? A branch manager.

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Kathy goes to her local bank, walks into the manager’s office, and says, “I want a loan; I am going to divorce my husband.” “Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager says. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement.” Kathy interrupts:
“Stop right there. This definitely falls into the category of ‘Home Improvement.’”

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“How long have you been working here?” one employee asked another.
“Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.”

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I got fired at work today.
My boss said my communication skills were awful.
I didn’t know what to say to that.

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When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told the guy he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked,
"Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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Joe is walking along a dark street at night when he hears a lot of laughter and shouting from an Irish bar across the road. Joe thinks, “Hmm…never been in an Irish bar before and I am bored and lonely. I’ll go check it out.” In he walks, amidst hoots of laughter. He looks up at a stage in the center of the room and sees a man going to the microphone.
He taps the microphone twice and says “42”. Everyone bursts out laughing and he walks off the stage.
Another man comes up and yells 68! The crowd laughs louder still! A third man walks up and shouts 12!!
Joe is quite confused by now so he finds the manager and asks, “Why does everyone laugh when they are only calling out numbers?”
“Well,” says the Manager, “we got tired of saying the same jokes over and over again so we assigned them numbers so each number called out is a joke.”
“Ohh,” said Joe. “Am I allowed a go then?”
“Sure!” the manager exclaimed, So up on to the stage went Joe and yelled at the top of his voice “168”.
The patrons laughed so loudly the room shook. They carried him off the stage and bought him a few drinks.
After that, he went to the manager and asked, “Why was my joke so funny?”
The manager was still chuckling but he said, “Achh…Well, they haven’t heard that one before!!”

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Part II
WHAT THE NEW JOB-LINGO REALLY MEANS by Dede Molter
"CAREER-MINDED": Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people whom just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

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A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid, so he asked his collections manager to leave a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

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Signs you've had too much of the '90s Part I
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask, "Do you fancy going down the pub?" and they reply, "Yeah, give me five minutes".
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
8. You consider regular mail painfully slow or call it "snail mail".
9. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
10. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a 0 to get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
15. Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. You learn about your redundancy on the 6 o'clock news.
18. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
19. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
20. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

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Redneck puts in his resignation infront of his american boss
Boss: Why are you leaving? Redneck: I have vaginal problems.
Boss : But you're a man!
Redneck: That I am, Sir. But you are a VАGINА!
Happy Boss Day.....!!!!!

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Bishop TD Jakes is returning to Texas after a speaking engagement. When his plane arrives, there is a limousine there to transport him to his home in Dallas. As he prepares to get into the limo, he stops and speaks to the driver. "You know," he says,
"I am almost 50 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?" The driver says,
"No problem." Bishop TD Jakes gets into the driver's seat, and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sits a rookie state trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo goes by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulls out, easily catches the limo, and gets out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walks up to the driver's door, and when the glass is rolled down, he is surprised to see who is driving. He immediately excuses himself, goes back to his car, and calls his supervisor. He tells the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law, but I also know that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person." The supervisor asks, "Is it the Governor?" The young trooper says,
"No, he's more important than that." The supervisor says,
"Oh, so it's the President." The young trooper says,
"No, he's even more important than that." The supervisor finally asks, "Well then, who is it?" The young trooper says,
"I think it's Jesus, because he's got TD Jakes for a chauffeur!!!"

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A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY:
“Delayed by storm. Send instructions”
His boss e-mails back:
“Start vacation immediately”

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