Sex Jokes - Page 32

In year 1272 Arabics invented the соndом, using a goat's lower intestine.
In year 1873 the British somewhat reinvented the соndом by taking it out of the goat first.

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Things Men Don't Say:
- Let's watch Lifetime.
- Sеx is overrated.
- I don't want to go too far on the first date.
- Yes, your sister does have вiggеr вrеаsтs than you.
- Don't we owe your mother a visit?
- I'm relieved I don't have a large реnis weighing me down.
- Dessert goes right to my hips.
- I hate when I miss Oprah.
- Does this suit make me look fат?
- I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

As is tradition in Italian families, Marol spends her wedding night in her family home. Her mother sleeps in the adjacent room in case Marol has any questions. Mama tells Marol, "You have any a problem, you come and see Mama."
Later, Marol's husband unbuttons his shirt, and Marol jumps up, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!"
Mama reassures Marol, "Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
But when Marol's husband takes off his belt, she goes jumps up again, runs next door and cries, "Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!"
Mama reassures her, "He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy."
Finally, Marol's husband takes off his shoes. Due to a terrible childhood accident, he only has half of his right foot. Marol jumps up and runs back to her mother's room, shouting, "Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!"
Her mother gets up and announces, "Stand back, Marol - this is a job for Mama!"

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Nationality Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Wedding jokes

Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a sluт.

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There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fат".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shаg your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".

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Fat Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?"
"I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fат. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

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Sex Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes Fat Jokes

A wife asked her husband:
"What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sеxy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
"I like your sense of humor."

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon.
Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there.
The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice.
The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there.
The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens.
The groom calls his mother back.
She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course.
The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind.
He calls his mother a third time.
Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!"
The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit, now what?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viаgrа.
The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sеx anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t рее on my shoes.”

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Sex Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Viagra jokes

An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunк guy and begins poking him in the shoulder.
The drunк guy just ignores him.
After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down.
He notices that the alien has no genitalia.
He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sеx?"
The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!

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Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sеx with his five wives?
Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

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A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x.
The code is:
"Making a call."
One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call.
The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order.
Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call.
The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."

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On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sеx doll?
He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach ваlls.

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Sex Jokes

What’s the difference between a sеx night with the husband and one with the truelove?
About a half an hour...

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Love Jokes

Worst way to ask for аnаl:
"Aww come on...I bet my diск is tiny compared to some of the shiтs you've taken!"

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.

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Sex Jokes

A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie.
He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish.
He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish."
The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible.
Some things just can't be changed.
Do you have another wish?"
The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd оrаl sеx from my wife.
That would be my wish."
The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"

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Sex Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."

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Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sеx?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.

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