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Christmas Jokes

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Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, when she heard that Christmas was around the corner, she went looking for it.
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Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator and an old drunк are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a $100 dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunк, of course - the other three don't exist.
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Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go to town and вlоw a couple of bucks.
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Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: It soots him.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
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Q: What do you call an Octopus with no legs?
A: A рuss.
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What do you call three blondes on Christmas?
Ho,Но,Ho
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He named the street he owned after his wife . What a grand statement of his love for her, for she was cold, hard, cracked, and only gets plowed around the holidays.
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I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards, as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said:
"Come on, Dear, let's get these out of the way."
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
"They're last year's," he said. "I forgot to mail them. Now let's go out to dinner and relax."
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Основната причина Дядо Коледа винаги да е толкова весел е Защо Дядо Мраз е винаги весел? Санта такой веселый в основном потому I would like to be Santa Claus … …. He knows where all the naughty girls live. Dlaczego Mikołaj jest zawsze uśmiechnięty? Jako jedyny zna adresy wszystkich grzesznych dziewczynek... Чому Дід Мороз завжди щасливий? — Тому що він знає Waarom is het zo dat Sinterklaas altijd blij is? Hij weet waar de stoutste jongetjes en meisjes wonen. Miksi joulupukki vaikuttaa niin epäilyttävän tyytyväiseltä? Koska hän tietää missä tuhmat tytöt asuvat. Ved du hvorfor julemanden får så meget sex ? Fordi han ved hvor alle de uartige piger bor! - De ce e Mos Craciun mereu fericit? - Pentru ca stie unde stau fetitele rele... - Kodėl Kalėdų Senelis ištisus metus laimingas? - Todėl
Why is Santa Claus so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
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What did one Christmas tree say to the other?
You've got a lot of ваlls walking in here dressed like that.
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Основната причина Дядо Коледа винаги да е толкова весел е Защо Дядо Мраз е винаги весел? Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Санта такой веселый в основном потому Dlaczego Mikołaj jest zawsze uśmiechnięty? Jako jedyny zna adresy wszystkich grzesznych dziewczynek... Чому Дід Мороз завжди щасливий? — Тому що він знає Waarom is het zo dat Sinterklaas altijd blij is? Hij weet waar de stoutste jongetjes en meisjes wonen. Miksi joulupukki vaikuttaa niin epäilyttävän tyytyväiseltä? Koska hän tietää missä tuhmat tytöt asuvat. Ved du hvorfor julemanden får så meget sex ? Fordi han ved hvor alle de uartige piger bor! - De ce e Mos Craciun mereu fericit? - Pentru ca stie unde stau fetitele rele... - Kodėl Kalėdų Senelis ištisus metus laimingas? - Todėl
I would like to be Santa Claus
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He knows where all the naughty girls live.
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Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
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You know you are a Redneck if you use all red lights at Christmas so you can leave them up until Valentines day
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You just might be a redneck if nothing under your Christmas tree is paid for.
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You might be a redneck if, Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."
So I got her nothing.
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Желба A little boy wrote to Santa ... Α letter to santa Claus Малко момченце пише писмо до Дядо Коледа: Дете: Un bambino a babbo natale: Малко момченце писало на Дядо Коледа: "Изпрати ми сестричка!". Маленький хлопчик написав Діду Морозу: Dziecko do świętego Mikołaja: - Przyślij mi na święta braciszka. Święty Mikołaj do dziecka: - To przyślij mi przed świętami swoją mamusię. Un enfant écrit au Père Noël : - Cher Père Noël En gang skrev en lille dreng til julemanden ”Gider du være sød og give mig en lillesøster?”. Så skrev julemanden tilbage ”Okay Boy - "dear Santa Bambino: “Caro Babbo Natale Bulişor îi scrie lui Moş Crăciun: - Anul asta Bula Un copilas ii scrie lui Mos Craciun: - Trimite-mi un fratior Mos Craciun raspunde: - Trimite-mi-o mai intaii pe mata. Pepíček píše Ježíškovi „Pošli mi sestřičku“. On odpovídá „Tak mi pošli maminku.“ Toto écrit au Père Noël : - «Cher Pere Noel Му пишало некое дете на Дедо Мраз „Дедо Мраз те молам прати ми сестричка". Дедо Мраз му пишал "Ок
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says:
"Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."
Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
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