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Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
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Yesterday my doctor told me, "if you don´t stop drinking, you´ll die." I asked him why.
"Because thats my вееr."
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There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,
But alas it twas in vein.
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Doctor, you have to help me! I see dead people...
Doctor: For the last time, you work in a morgue!
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A recent study has shown patient mortality rates increase with the age of the doctor
Next week I have a surgical consultation with a particularly clever-looking newborn.
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Why cant an eye doctor count to 3?
They never make it past 1, or 2. 1, or 2?
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Went to my eye doctor the other day... Guess who I bumped into?
Everyone!
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Did you hear about the doctor who became a cop?
He made sure everyone got their shots.
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How do you know when a prostate exam's gone horribly wrong?
When you feel both of the doctor's hands on your shoulders.
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I got a prostate exam yesterday and that went pretty smoothly.
The doctor had both hands on my shoulders though, so I was a bit confused.
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What do my barber and the doctor who did my circumcision have in common?
They both took too much off the top
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I could not be a children's doctor.
I would lose my patients.
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I've been feeling really stressed lately, so my doctor advised me that before going to bed, I should drink two glasses of red wine, after a hot bath, but to be honest, it's not really helping at all...
... I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
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A grandmother goes to the doctor
A grandmother goes to the doctor and asks:
"Where is the heart?"
The doctor answers:
"2 centimetres below the niррlеs"
Next day in the newspaper:
"Woman tries to commit suicide and shoots herself in the knee"
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My doctor got sick so I grabbed his medical bag, but he refused to let me treat him
He did not like the taste of his own medicine
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I called the hospital and pleaded, "Doctor! She's going into labor and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do!?"
"Is this her first child?" he asked.
"No, this is her husband!"
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Really was going to study medicine to become a doctor.
I just didn’t have the patients.
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The weirdest part about my colonoscopy was
The doctor telling me that I’d feel a bit of pressure, but both of his hands were on my shoulders.
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I did really well in my prostate exam.
The doctor gave me two thumbs up.
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