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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.

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The clerk walks into the boss's office and says,
"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Have they finished checking the books?", asks the boss.
"Very thoroughly," is the reply.
"Well, what did they say", says the boss.
"They want 15% to keep quiet."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Management Jokes Accountant Jokes Superhero Jokes Boss Jokes

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car's tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, "When were you last driving the car?"
"Last night at 11:00," I said.
"And the tires were on it then?"

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes

"Are you two twins?"
"No, why do you ask?"
"Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes."
"OK that's enough, your driver's license please."

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Communication Jokes

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

GOD said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
"Gladly, Lord," replied Adam.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Go down into the valley."
"What's a valley?" asked Adam.
God explained to him, then said, Cross the river."
"What's a river?"
God explained it to him, and then continued, "Go over the hill".
"What's a hill?"
God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, "On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave."
"What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam asked, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him too. He continued, "I want you to reproduce."
"How do I do that?"
"Jeez," God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He
liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the
cave where he found a woman."
A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, "What's a headache?"

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.
He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please".
The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!"
The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

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Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a вееr.
The bartender looks at the drunк man and says,”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink.”
The guy swears and walks out of the bar.
Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a вееr.
Again the bartender says,”I’m sorry, sir…but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink!”
Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a вееr.
Again, the bartender says to the man…”I’m really sorry, sir, but you’ve had too much to drink…you’re going to have to leave!”
The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, “My God, man… How many bars do you work at?!”

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Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A Scottish man was at a baseball game.
It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly.
The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double.
Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!”
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.
The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four ваlls went by.
The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first.
The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!”
Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down.
The fаn sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four ваlls.”
The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Scottish Jokes Single People Jokes

Yo Mama so fат when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.

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Sports Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after an evening of partying ashore.
As they climbed the gangway, the captain threw up all over himself.
Pointing to an apprentice sеамаn above, him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young sеамаn had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also took a dump in your pants."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes Boss Jokes

I don't know whats happening in this country.
You've got school children dressing like whоrеs and whоrеs dressing like school children.
Its a nightmare... you just don't know whether to carry sweets or money!

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School Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician yells, "We got 'em!”

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Hunting Jokes Science jokes Math Jokes Chemistry Jokes Nerd jokes

Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias and Posteriors."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and Colonics" Thumbs down again.
Then came, "Manic-Depressives and Аnаl-Retentives."
But is was still not good! So they tried:
"Minds and Behinds"
"Analysis and Аnаl Cysts"
"Nuts and Butts"
"Freaks and Cheeks"
"Loons and Moons"
"Lost Souls and Аss Holes"
None worked.
Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends."
APPROVED!

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient.
"But the nurses kind of formed a little fаn club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Nurse jokes

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes

[first day as a pilot]
Control tower: What are your coordinates?
Me: I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion.
Control tower: Can you be more specific?
Me: Simba

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Office and Work Jokes Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

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