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Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This dамn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out.
"You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest.
"God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hеll out and start pulling"

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Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert.
'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free!
'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

What do black people and bicycles have in common?
They only work with a chain on.

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Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

A little while later Johnny's dad hears a commotion coming from Johnny's bedroom, he rushes in and is horrified to see Johnny shаgging his gran!
Johnny just looks at him and says "not so funny when its your mum is it ?"

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Two Yankee boys were driving through the South and was stopped by a State Trooper.
The trooper walked up to the open driver’s window, reached in, and slapped the driver on the side of his head.
"What did you do that for?" the driver asked.
"I don’t know how yall do it up north but here in Alabama, you have your drivers license ready when I walk up to the car."
The trooper took the license when it was offered, walked back to his unit and then returned the license to the driver.
He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window.
When the passenger rolled the window down, the trooper reached in and slapped the passenger on the side of the head.
"What did you do that for?" asked the startled passenger.
"Well," responded the trooper, "I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You’ll get about two miles down the road and then say, 'I wish that redneck woulda tried that with me!'"

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Car and driving jokes Redneck jokes Police Officer Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down.
By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there.
"I'm on a honeymoon."
"Oh. Shouldn't you be having sеx with your wife?"
"Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection."
"What about оrаl sеx?"
"Gingivitis."
"Аnаl sеx?"
"Diarrhea."
"Pardon my question, but why are you with her?"
"Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Fishing Jokes Hotel Jokes

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?"
The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages...
Tell you what..
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuск her."

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Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

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School Jokes

Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

In Heaven:
The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Greek,
The bankers are Swiss.
In Неll:
The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Greek.

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Religion jokes Money jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Banker Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks. "I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sеx before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die."
"Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how sтuрid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"
"There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was sтuрid?"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Irish jokes Stupid Jokes

Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sеx with?
Anything for the family.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Redneck jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

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Dark Humor Jokes Funeral jokes

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes IT jokes Science jokes

Yo mama so sтuрid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.

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Technology Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Computer Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

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Religion jokes Management Jokes Christian Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: How do you identify a bald eagle?
A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.

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Animal Jokes Beauty Jokes

A guy goes to a house of prostitution.
He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed.
She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand.
He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her.
He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there.
He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, sсrеw her. It's paid for."

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Blonde Jokes Prostitute Jokes

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