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How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

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One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sеx with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry.
She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you.
Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room.
The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son!
How old are you 12? 13?
How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son.
Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My аss is still sore!"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Accountant Jokes

Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.

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Office and Work Jokes Accountant Jokes Math Jokes Light bulb jokes

Warning!
User Error.
Kindly replace user and press a key to continue.

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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Geek jokes

A boastful hunter kept telling his buddies the same story, and they chided him for telling it over and over.
He reminded them that they often tell the same stories.
"Not so," said one friend. "We re-share, you repeat."

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Hunting Jokes Friendship Jokes Communication Jokes

Me driving by a Taco Веll.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
Two weeks later:
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.

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Food Jokes Management Jokes Boss Jokes

The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.

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Animal Jokes Management Jokes

A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying "Big deal, the cards up his sleeve." or "He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!"
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot.
For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas.
Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed ‘"kay, I give up… where the hеll did you put the god dамnеd boat!"

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God Jokes Animal Jokes Sailor Jokes

Steve rushed into a crowded tavern on Saturday night.
Men and women stood 3 deep at the bar.
Our man, who felt nature calling strongly, looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a bathroom.
He saw a stairway and race up the steps to the second floor in his desperate search.
Just as his воwеls threatened to erupt, he spotted a one foot by one foot hole in the floor.
Now, at the end of us control, he decided to take advantage of the hole.
He dropped his pants, hunched over the hole, and did his thing.
Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the steps to find, to his surprise, that the bar which was crowded a few minutes ago, was now empty.
"Hey!"
He yelled to the empty room, "Where is everyone?"
From behind the bar a voice responded, "Where were you when the роор hit the fаn?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Superhero Jokes

Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love.
The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.”
The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!”
The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes Love Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
"Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sherlock Holmes Jokes Friendship Jokes Life Jokes

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Waiter Jokes

I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.

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Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Coffee Jokes

Yo mama is so sтuрid, I said it was going to be chili out and she grabbed a bowl and a spoon.

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Yo Momma Jokes

A man has his car full of penguins.
He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says:
"Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!"
The man does that.
The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins.
Once again he drives past the policeman.
"Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
"I did," replies the man.
"We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A young Jewish Mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
"Behave, my bubaleh," she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh."
"Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."

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School Jokes Jewish Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!

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Dark Humor Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Knock-knock jokes Sick and Death Jokes

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