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A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his реnis.
He sees several doctors.
They all say: "You've been sсrеwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."
The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it.
So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan.
The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?"
The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA."
The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!"
The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles.

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Animal Jokes Nerd jokes

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.
"I blame the general manager," said the first fаn. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team."
"I blame the players," said the second fаn. "If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points."
"I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team."

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Military Jokes Management Jokes Soccer Jokes American Football Jokes Boss Jokes

Bill and Earl are out playing golf.
They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Fishing Jokes Golf jokes

That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

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School Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the missionary position."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

Why should you never fаrт in an apple store?
They don't have Windows!

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Computer Jokes IT jokes Fart Jokes

A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take
this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."
"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sеx with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'".

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School Jokes Sex Jokes

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urinе as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

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Gross Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Business jokes

A Mexican and a niggеr are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!

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Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Black People Jokes

Little Johnny walks a соw through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the соw?"
"I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get impregnated," answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?"
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I think it's really best left with the bulls."

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Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Q: What did God say when he first made the black person?
A: Holly shiт I have burned one.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Q: What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
A: Caps and robbers

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Kids Jokes Dentist Jokes

Q: What are the hottest days during summer?
A: Sun-days

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Weather jokes

Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

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Sports Jokes

Q: What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance?
A: A late night.

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Accountant Jokes

Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

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Yo Momma Jokes Ugly Jokes

Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.

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Money jokes USA Jokes Christmas Jokes Accountant Jokes Tax jokes

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.

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