Newest jokes - Page 2801

A nerd walked into bar
He wasn't wearing his glasses

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Boy: you're really pretty
Girl:thanks
Boy:I wish there was something between us
Girl:I do too
Boy:really?! Like what?
Girl: a wall!

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Insult Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Our family motto is "Who took my phone charger?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Attitude Jokes

Yo momma so fat
When she sat on the iPhone 6 plus
It turned into the iPad 6 Plus

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Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving.
The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions.
He said, “I’m sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle.”
The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong.
She said, “The doctor told me I’ve got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel.”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Gynecology Jokes Disability Jokes

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else
Click bait.

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Fishing Jokes

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Sorry

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Irish jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Italian Jokes Grandparent Jokes

This woman came into my shop earlier on the phone, whispering about the amazing sеx she had last night.
She picked up a magazine and started flicking through it.
I shouted over, “Hey, this isn’t a library!”
“I’m going to buy it,” she replied.
I said, “That’s fine, I just mean you don’t have to talk so quietly.”

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sеxy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sеx appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens Intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the Trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They Are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to Marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her You were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies,
"Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiот!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"
Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Pregnancy Jokes

Why can't short people cook?
Because the steaks are too high.

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Short people jokes

If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.

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Flirt jokes

Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill.
People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

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Fitness jokes

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull says,
"Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't' givin' him any of mine."
The second bull says,
"That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or кill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
The third bull says,
"I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull says,
"Ahem... You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
The second bull says,
"I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the third bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting up a storm.
The first bull says,
"Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
The third bull says,
"Heck, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough.

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Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

Boy: What's a palindrome?
Teacher: racecar
{10 years later}
Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome
Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

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School Jokes Banker Jokes

Dear Math,
I am sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone. Move on dude.

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Math Jokes

A young man at this construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone based on his strength. He especially made fun of one of the older workman. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where you mouth is?" he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the other building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young man replied. "Let's see what you've got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

Boss:
"Working hard here, Jimmy?"
Jimmy:
"Ever since I heard you coming down the stairs, boss!"

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boss Jokes

White people are always annoyed that only black people can say the n word, but white people have some phrases only they can say too
Things like “Hi Dad!” and “Thanks for the warning, officer.”

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Dad Jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

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