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Latest Jokes

My girlfriend just randomly started screaming at me for no reason.
“You put me second to everything! Second to your friends, your job, even your fuскing ps3! I’m sick of being second-best!!”
I said “Well that would make you 4th best, you thick head.”

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Friendship Jokes Dating Jokes

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals
Im livid

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Math Jokes

Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...
Because you can't truly be Нiтlеr until you blame a jew for all your problems.

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Hitler Jokes American Presidents Humor

I told my kids I never want to  live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from  a bottle.
So they unplugged my  computer and threw out my wine.

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Kids Jokes Wine jokes

Wife:
“I’m pregnant.”
Me:
“Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.”
Wife:
“No you’re not.”

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Dad Jokes

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.

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April Fools' Jokes

Bob: Hey bud remember we’re going to space!
Carol: really? I forgot to planet.

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Space jokes

My teacher didn’t believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.
She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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School Jokes Animal Jokes Fishing Jokes Dog jokes

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

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Sailor Jokes Pirate Jokes

(Dumb Criminal) Never pick the pocket of a guy wearing a wedding ring!
(Trainee) Why, because he’s a family man and needs the money?
(Dumb Criminal) No, because his wife already beat you to it.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Criminal Jokes

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?
In an explosion.

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Asian jokes

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, “I’m sleeping with the priest’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?”
The friend doesn’t like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of sтuрid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest, “My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says, “You’d better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago.”

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Friendship Jokes Cheating Jokes Priest Jokes

What did the turkey say to the chicken on Thanksgiving?
You're clucky, you're not a turkey.

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Animal Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.

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Fitness jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot, then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another one. After he finishes, he looks into his pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks the man why he looks into his pocket before ordering each shot. The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket, and when she starts to look good, I go home.”

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Men jokes Relationship Jokes

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.
I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

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Dentist Jokes

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.
"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.
Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we have no power. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."

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News and Politics Jokes USA Jokes Aviation Jokes

There were two blondes, and they had just came from a store.
The blonde that owned the mustang had locked her keys in the car.
She was trying to pick the lock when she stoped to rest for a second.
When she sat down, her friend said,
"Hurry up, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"

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Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.
Finnish hymn!!!

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Music and Musician Jokes

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...
... And shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

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School Jokes Science jokes