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A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter.
The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?"
"Yes, it's at home," replies the man.
"To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier.
Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter.
"Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier.
"Yes I do, it's at home," says the man.
"Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier.
The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier.
He has a brown paper bag in his hand.
"Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here."
The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag.
"It is all soft and warm," she says.
"Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
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Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiот, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven.
If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Неll."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings."
With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
"Then, go to Неll!"
With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!"
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
"Then, go to Неll!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiот then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!"
The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that.
The idiот then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fаrт.
Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fаrт come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiот, "it's from my аsshоlе."
And the idiот went to heaven.
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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.
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Раят. Разговарят Адам и Създателят: Отишъл Адам при Господ. Adamo chiede a Dio: "Perché hai fatto la donna così bella?" Dio risponde: "Perché tu possa amarla" Adamo: "E perché l'hai fatta poco sveglia?" Dio: "Affinché lei possa amare te!" Adam zu Gott: Du, Gott, sag mal, warum hast du Eva eigentlich so unheimlich schön gemacht? Gott: Damit du sie lieben kannst! Adam: Aha! Und warum hast du sie so unheimlich dumm gemacht? Gott: Damit sie dich lieben kann! Mann sprach zu Gott: "Gott, warum hast du die Frau so schön gemacht?" Gott sprach: "Damit du sie liebst." "Aber Gott," sprach der Mann, "warum hast du sie so dumm gemacht?" Gott sprach: "Damit sie dich liebt." Cierto día un hombre tenía una duda muy seria, es que le parecía que todas las mujeres que eran bonitas eran tontas... Entonces le preguntó a Dios: ¿Porqué hiciste a las mujeres tan bonitas? y Dios le respondió: Para que ustedes los hombres se enamoren de ellas Uhmm... pero no entiendo, le dijo... à l'époque à laquelle les humains étaient dans le jardin d'éden, Adam va voir Dieu pour lui poser quelques questions qui le chicotaient depuis longtemps: - Dieu, est ce que je peux te poser un... O homem, muito do machista, conversa com Deus: - Ó senhor, por que fez minha mulher tão bonita? - Para que você possa amá-la. - respondeu Deus.   O sujeito pergunta: - Mas senhor, por que a fez tão... Mies kysyy Jumalalta: Miksi loit Blondit niin kauniiksi? Että te miehet rakastuisitte heihin. Miksi sitten loit ne niin tyhmiksi? Että hekin rakastuisivat teihin.
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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.
She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"
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Какво означава противоречиви чувства? Пример за смесени чувства: Какво означава "смесени чувства"? Реклама на застрахователна компания: Was sind gemischte Gefühle? Wenn deine Schwiegermutter in deinem neuen Mercedes rückwärts auf eine Klippe zufährt. Qu'est-ce qu'un sentiment partagé ? Ta belle-mère qui percute un poids-lourds au volant de ta nouvelle voiture. Wat is het toppunt van gemengde gevoelens?? Je schoonmoeder in je gloednieuwe BMW een ravijn in zien rijden. Mężczyzna mówi do żony: - Teściowa jechała moim samochodem i wpadła w przepaść. - No i? - odpowiada żona. - No i mam mieszane uczucia. Hvad er blandede følelser? Det er når svigermor kører ud over en dyb afgrund uden chance for at overleve - I DIN NYE BIL!!! Kiedy są mieszane uczucia? - Gdy teściowa spada w przepaść Twoim samochodem. Sentimente amestecate: Sa-ti cada soacra in prapastie cu masina Ta... - Mi az abszolút vegyes érzelem? - Ha látjuk, amint az anyósunk a szakadékba zuhan a vadonatúj Mercedesünkkel. Blandade känslor uppstår när svärmor kör ut från en djup avgrund utan en chans för att överleva – I DIN NYA BIL!!!
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