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Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they can't see each other signing.
After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.
"Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sеx with me, reach over and squeeze my left вrеаsт one time. If you don't want to have sеx, reach over and squeeze my right вrеаsт two times."
"Great idea!" the husband signs to her.
Then he thinks about how to make up a signal for her. The "A-ha!" look flashes over his face.
"And if you want to have sеx with me," he replies, "reach over and pull on my оrgаn one time. If you don't want to have sеx, pull on my оrgаn two hundred and fifty times."
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There are four people on an airplane. The pilot, Нiтlеr, An old man, and a young boy with a backpack. About 20 minutes into the flight the pilot runs out and yells. " The plane is going to crash! Grab a parachute and jump!" The young boy says, " But sir, there are only 3 parachutes. Not all of us will survive." All of the people look at eachother and the pilot says, " I deserve to live." So he jumps out of the plane leaving 2 parachutes and 3 people. Нiтlеr says, " I have done so much to the world. I should live." So he grabs a parachute and jumps leaving 1 parachute and 2 people. The old man squats down and says to the little boy, " Son, I have lived my life to its fullest so you take the last parachute." the little boy says, " thats okay, we still have 2 parachutes." The old man says, " How? Нiтlеr took the other one." The little boy adds, " No he didnt. Нiтlеr took my backpack.
Падобран Parachute Crap Shoot Bush der Papst und ein Schuljunge Flugzeug stürzt ab Бил Гејтс, Меси, Папата и Македонецот A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. В един самолет пътували четирима души. Президент, Професор, Студент и Старец. По едно време самолетът се развалил и пилота им казал, че има само 3 парашута. Президентът грабнал първия парашут и казал: Ένα βράδυ, ένα Delta αεροσκάφος με δύο κινη τήρες, πετούσε με προορισμό το New Jersey. Στο αεροσκάφος υπήρχαν 5 άτομα - ο πιλότος, ο Michael Jordan, ο Bill Gates, ένας ηλικιωμένος και ένας χίππις. Obama, Renzi, il Santo padre ed un giovane studente stanno rientrando da un viaggio diplomatico in aereo. L'aereo subisce un guasto fatale ed i passeggeri sono costretti a buttarsi con il paracadute. A blonde woman, a priest, a pilot, and a high schooler are all on a crashing plane. An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am... Bush,Haider,der Papst und ein Junge sitzen im Flieger. Plötzlich kommen Turbolenzen auf. Da sagt der Pilot: " Wir stürzen ab! Bitte alle denn Flieger verlassen!" OK es sind 3 Fallschirme aber 4 Personen. Da sagt Bush: " Ich bin der wichtigste und gescheiterste Mann der Welt, ich nehm mir... A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them. The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the... Un avión está a punto de estrellarse. Hay cuatro pasajeros en el avión pero solo tres paracaídas. El primer pasajero dice: "Soy Steph Curry, el mejor jugador de la NBA. Los Warriors y mis millones de fans me necesitan, así que no puedo permitirme morir". Coge la primera mochila y salta del avión.... En Norrman, en Amerikan, en Svensk och en Finne på flygresa. Plötsligt stannade motorn. Piloten kom ut från cockpiten med en fallskärm på sig och sa, - Auto piloten är på men motorn har lagt av och eftersom vi flyger över bergen så finns det inte en... Ein Flugzeug ist am Abstürzen. 5 Passagiere sind an Bord, es gibt jedoch nur 4 Fallschirme. Der erste Passagier sagt: "Ich bin Robert Hartlauer, der größte Fotolöwe. Ohne mich werden die... An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need... Een dokter, een advocaat, een kleine jongen en een priester zitten op een zondagochtend in een klein vliegtuigje voor een mooie rondvlucht boven Nederland. Plotseling krijgt het vliegtuigje motor... En präst, en lärare, en hockeyspelare, en student och den dåvarande presidenten Bush befann sig i ett flygplan som höll på att störta och det fanns bara fyra fallskärmar för dem att dela på.... Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the... En un avión iban 4 personas, un político, un sacerdote, un jugador y un niño. Un motor del avión se estaba incendiando, entonces el capitán dice hay 4 paracaídas, uno para mí y los restos son... Der var tre mand ombord på en brændende flyver. En advokat, en familiefar og en præst. Desværre ville skæbnen at der kun var to faldskærme ombord. Advokaten begyndte straks at tale sin sag og... En un avión iba el Papa, el presidente Clinton, un atlante, un jipi y la tripulación del avión. En pleno vuelo el avión comenzó a fallar, el capitán del avión se dirigió a los cuatro pasajeros y... In einem Flugzeug sitzen 4 Leute: Trump, ein Egoist, der Papst und ein 10-jähriger Junge. Da kommt der Pilot und sagt: „Es gibt ein Problem mit der Maschine, ihr müsst leider alle abspringen. Ich... There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young... Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world... En tysk, en norrman, en pilot och Bellman var ombord på ett flygplan när det plötsligt fick fel på motorerna. Men det fanns bara tre fallskärmar. Då sa Bellman till piloten: - Här har du. Du får... Donald Trump, ein Geistlicher und ein Pfadfinder fliegen mit einem kleinen Flugzeug, das Motorprobleme bekommt. Der Pilot gibt bekannt: „Wir müssen abspringen. Leider gibt es nur drei Fallschirme.... Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, Prins Bernhard en een student zitten met z'n drieën in een vliegtuig. Op een gegeven moment vallen allebei de motoren uit en begint het vliegtuig hoogte te verliezen. Er... 5 Leute sitzen in einem abstürzenen Flugzeug, aber es sind nur 4 Fallschirme an Bord. 1. Ronaldo An airplane was once making a routine flight from Hackensack, New Jersey to New York City. The people on board where the world's smartest politician, the pilot (also a father), a Boy Scout,... Em um avião estavam Michael Jordan, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, O Dalai Lama e um hippie e 5 para quedas. A certa altura, o piloto aparece e diz: — Senhores o avião está caindo, salve-se quem puder.... Donald Trump ein Prominent ein alter Opa und ein kleines Schulkind sitzen im Flugzeug. Das Flugzeug ist gerade am abstürzen, es gibt aber nur 3 Fallschirme, Donald Trump sagt ich nehme den ersten... Egy repülőgépen utazik Bush, Gorbacsov, Ceaucescu és a Pápa. A gép egyszer csak kigyullad és zuhanni kezd lefelé. A pilóta így szól: - Baj van uraim! Öten vagyunk, és csak négy ejtőernyőnk van.... Aux journées portes ouvertes d'une base militaire, trois personnes ont gagné à une tombola un tour dans un petit avion avec un général de l'armée française. Les gagnants sont: Un scout, un vieil... Čech, Rus, Američan a Brit letí letadlem. Náhle se jim vznítí motor a mají jen tři padáky. Prvního padáku se chytí Rus a vyskakuje se slovy: „Jako příslušník nejinteligentnějšího národa mám právo... Su un aereo c'è Berlusconi, il papa, il pilota, un bambino scout e Bush. L'aereo comincia a precipitare, ma ci sono solo 4 paracaduti. Allora devono decidere chi si deve salvare. Il pilota va... The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the... Ein Österreichischer Pilot, ein Deutscher ein Franzose und ein Russe fliegen in einen Flugzeug. Auf einmal hatte das Flugzeug keinen Sprit mehr. Der Österreicher sagte: "Wir haben nur 3... Obama, Berlusconi, un Papa e un bambino stanno facendo un viaggio in aereo. L'aereo subisce un guasto e i passeggeri si devono buttare con il paracadute ma c'è un problema: ci sono 4 persone e 3... Van e un avion Obama,Cristiano Ronaldo,Zapatero,El papa y un niño de 5 años y llega y dice el piloto que el avion esta teniendo un problema y que hay que saltar pero solo hay 4 paracaidas. Dice... En un avión viaja Ronaldo, la mujer de Bush, Bush, el papa y un niño. Aparece un cartel "Atención, sobre peso, sobre peso" Y Ronaldo dice: - Yo como soy un jugador muy bueno me tengo que salvar.... In einem Flugzeug sitzen, neben dem Piloten, George Bush, Helmut Kohl, der Papst und ein Student. Plötzlich gerät das Flugzeug in heftige Turbulenzen und droht abzustürzen. Von den insgesamt 4... Der Präsident der USA, der klügste Mann der Welt und eine 5.-Klässler (ein kleiner Jung) sitzen im Flugzeug. Plötzlich bekommt das Flugzeug Probleme und fängt an abzustürzen. 3 Fallschirme stehen...
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A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his lunch too.

The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too."

Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair and began to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing"? the farmer asked.

The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."
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In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in… …. ….
George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia’s customs and social graces. He had memorized Moscow street maps and knew every back-alley there was. He swore that he could even think like a Russian. …
…
The big day finally came, and he was parachuted into the outskirts of Moscow at night. He emerged by daybreak, and hopped onto a bus going to the city center.
“Comrade. How much for a ticket to Red square?”, he asked the conductor in authentic Russian.
“5 Rubles, Comrade American”, came the reply.
Keats was stunned. Perhaps the conductor was just being a smart-аss. He hopped off the bus and asked a passerby for directions to the closest bar.
“It’s just around the block, Comrade American.”
Keats’ doubts grew immensely. Not knowing what to do, he went inside the bar and ordered a glass of Vоdка. …
“Want some Borscht to go with it, Comrade American?”, the bartender asked.
Keats threw a fit. “What’s the matter with you people? I dress just like you, I speak just like you, I even THINK just like you! Why does everyone keep calling me American?”
“Well Comrade, it’s because you’re black.”
Ο Αμερικανός κατάσκοπος ЦРУ изпратило шпионин в Русия. По време на студената война, агент на ЦРУ е на шпионска мисия в Москва. Знае идеално руски, познава до съвършенство руската култура и обичаи. In tijde van de koude oorlog, trainde Amerika de beste spion ooit, speciaal voor het werk in Rusland. Hij werd gedropt achter de linies, en toen hij bij het russische bolwerk (een café, nota bene)... Un agent secret american merge in Rusia intr-o bodega si incearca sa-si demonstreze ca nu va fi recunoscut ca nefiind de origine rusa. Cere in cea mai perfecta rusa un pahar de votca si il bea... Az amerikai titkos ügynököt éveken át a legnagyobb körültekintéssel képezik ki. Megtanul tökéletes kiejtéssel oroszul beszélni, megismeri a szokásokat, és mindent ahhoz, hogy elkerülje a lebukást....
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Отишли руснакът и чукчата на риболов през зимата. Двајцата рибари и белата мечка Zwei Wanderer und ein Bär Οι Δικηγόροι Zwei Anwälte sind auf Löwenjagd in Afrika. Erschöpft von der vergeblichen Pirsch lehnen sie ihre Gewehre an einen Baum, um sich am nahen Bach zu erfrischen. Kaum haben sie das Bachufer erreicht, taucht der Löwe auf und schneidet ihnen den Rückweg zu den Gewehren ab. Sofort fängt einer der Anwälte... Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The... Чукча и геолог събират камъни на брега на океана. Изведнъж виждат към тях да се насочва огромна, свирепа бяла мечка. Чукчата започва бързо да си обува ските. Геологът: - Това е безполезно. Все едно не можеш да бягаш по-бързо от мечката. - А на мен не ми и трябва да бягам по-бързо от нея. На мен... Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, "What are you doing?" The first responds, "I... Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man,... Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't... En advokat och hans klient var ute och gick då plötsligt en ilsken björn rusade mot dem. Advokaten öppnade fort sin portfölj, tog fram ett par joggingskor och satte på sig dem. Klienten skakade på... Deux hommes sont partis à la chasse dans les Pyrénées. Soudain, un ours d’au moins deux cents kilos surgit de derrière un rocher et commence à les poursuivre dans les chemins rocailleux.... Deux touristes qui se promènent dans la brousse sans armes voient tout à coup venir à leur rencontre un lion en quête d’un bon repas. L’un des deux ouvre immédiatement son sac et commence à... Bir Amerikalı ile Japon safariye çıkmışlar. Her ikisi de son teknolojik Silahları da birbirlerine nazire yapmak için yanlarına almışlar. Derken uzakta bir aslan görünmüş. Amerikalı lazer tüfeğini... Brezsnyev és Kádár sétálnak az erdőben. Egyszer csak kiugrik eléjük egy medve, és éhes ordítással feléjük indul. Brezsnyev kétségbeesik, míg Kádár ledobja a csizmáját, elővesz a hátizsákjából egy... Šetaju dva lika šumom i naiđu na velikog besnog medveda koji se nameračio na njih. Jedan brzo skine čizme i krene da oblači sportske patike. Drugi ga gleda zbunjeno pa ga pita: - Misliš da ćeš u...
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