Newest jokes - Page 735

Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the wомв?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."

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Psychiatrist:
"What’s your problem?"
Patient:
"I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist:
"How long has this been going on?"
Patient:
"Ever since I was an egg!"

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.

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Animal Jokes

A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat? Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!' The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist-deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Dаrn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Banker Jokes

Why did the ostrich cross the desert?

To stick his head in the sand!

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes

Why did Mohammed cross the road?
Because he’s a really great guy and was doing some important charity work.

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes

Apparently Kansas needs money, so they're going to open these casinos and then that tax revenue -- well, brother, that's just like planting a big, old, fат money seed, and then a money tree will grow. And then we'll just shake the money leaves out of the money tree because, obviously, this tax revenue is only coming from people that can afford it. I mean, my God, poor people would never gamble. They're great with money -- that's why they're poor.

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Money jokes God Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Fat Jokes

People are like, 'What, Minnesota -- igloos, hicks, right?' I try to defend it, that it's cool and stuff, but I know that when I was in junior high and we would see a limo, we were like, 'That's Prince. That's gotta be Prince.'

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Blue Collar Jokes

First Cannibal:
"Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal:
"That was no girl, that was my supper."

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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes

Completing his examination of the uncommonly well-built, beautiful blonde, the doctor said solemnly, "You are a very sick young lady. I don't want you returning to work this afternoon. Go home, get undressed, and get into bed. Drink about a third of this bottle of medicine I'm preparing for you - it will make you drowsy. I don't want you to answer your phone or let anybody into your apartment... until you hear three short knocks."

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying over here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here," she asks feebly?
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

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Food Jokes Men jokes

How many potatoes does it take to кill an Irishman?
Zero.

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Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

People believe in God. God believe in Chuck Norris.

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God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

I know when god becomes angry.
When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"

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God Jokes Kids Jokes

Yo momma so sтuрid you have to dig for her IQ!

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Insult Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man goes to a bar and sees a fат girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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Insult Jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife nакеd on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally nакеd, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten ваsтаrd, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around nакеd scaring the kids!!!

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Blonde Jokes

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