Baby Jokes - Page 5

What did the Asian parents name their rетаrdеd baby. Sum ting wong

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For 3 years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!"Helen, why didn't you write when you learnt you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a ваsтаrd in the family than a lawyer."

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Lawyer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Baby Jokes Cheating Jokes

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

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Dirty jokes School Jokes Baby Jokes

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor's surgery. "Why is your stomach so big?" he asks. "I'm having a baby," she replies. "Is the baby in your stomach?" he asks, with his big eyes. "Yes, it is," she says. "Is it a good baby?" he asks, with a puzzled look. "Oh, yes. A really good baby," the lady replies. Shocked and surprised, he asks: "Then why did you eat him?"

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Kids Jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Baby Jokes

A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents’ room, and he decided to investigate.
As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shаgging for all they were worth.
“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing?”
“It’s ok,” his father replied. “Your mother wants a baby, that’s all.”
The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.
Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving оrаl gratification to his
father.
“DAD!” he shouted. “What are you doing now?”
“Son, there’s been a change of plan,” his father replied.
“Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW.”

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Sex Jokes Car and driving jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes BMW jokes

Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to кill them!

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Dark Humor Jokes Kids Jokes Baby Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shiтs across the floor.

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Animal Jokes Baby Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Q: How do Asians get their name?
A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise.
Example: Dоng Ching Lau.

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Asian jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Baby Jokes

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

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Baby Jokes

Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Stupid Jokes

One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Dog jokes

Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with.
JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me."
JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father."
BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!"
JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?"
BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto."
JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?"
BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."

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Judge and Court Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: What does a baby computer call its dad?
A: Data

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Computer Jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes

Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.

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Yo Momma Jokes Baby Jokes Birthday Jokes Ugly Jokes

A woman starts dating a doctor. She eventually becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try," he says. The doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation, he goes to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What happened?" asks the priest. "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About 15 years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."

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Religion jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dating Jokes Baby Jokes Priest Jokes

A man is visiting a foreign country but does not speak the language that they speak there.
He decides to go to a church service, but the priest is speaking the native language, so the American man just does whatever the man in front of him does.
When the man in front of him stands, so does the American man.
When the man in front of him sits, so does the American man.
At one point, the priest says something, and the man in front of him stood.
So the American man stood too.
Everyone in the church gasped, so the American man hurriedly sat back down.
Later, the American man figured out that the priest was congratulating a birth.
When he had asked who was the father, and both men stood up, it had caused some confusion!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Church jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes Communication Jokes American Jokes Priest Jokes

A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Church jokes Baby Jokes

Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth?
A: No make-up.

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Blonde Jokes Baby Jokes Beauty Jokes Birthday Jokes

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''
''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''

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Old People Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes

Why is making toast like an interracial couple having a baby?
It's annoying when it comes out black.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Baby Jokes Black People Jokes