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Communication Jokes

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Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.
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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Communication Jokes Dinosaur jokes
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?
A: "Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"
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Blonde Jokes Sports Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes
A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position.
His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?"
"Not even a little," said the young man.
"How about alcoholic beverages?"
"Never touch 'em," he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."
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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes
I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Sports Jokes One-Liner Jokes Communication Jokes
Three women were debating about how wide their рussy are.
The first one said: "When my husband makes sеx he puts his реnis and his testicles in my рussy."
The second lady said: "Wooo when we are in bed my husband puts his hand and his arm in mine."
It was the turn of the third woman that pointed to her рussy and said: Jimy; Jimy come out, please."
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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Communication Jokes
A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up.
They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside.
The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed.
The priest told the nun that she could sleep on the bed and he would sleep in the sleeping bag in the floor.
As they were alone and beginning to get settled.
The young nun said, "father?" in a song-song voice.
He answered, "yes, sister?"
"I'm cold."
The priest got up and went to the closet and got another blanket and covered the nun.
As he was settling back into his sleeping bag, she again said, "father?"
"Yes, sister?"
"I'm still cold."
The priest got up and got another blanket from the closet and added it to the sisters' bed, tucking her in.
He climbed back into the sleeping bag.
Just as he was getting settled and the fire was crackling she called out to him again.
"I'm still cold!"
He said, "sister?"
"Yes?"
"We are all alone out here in this cabin in the mountains."
"Yes, we are!"
"Just this once... Yes? Just tonight... yes? Do you want to pretend that we are married?"
"Oh yes! I do!"
"Ok... get up and get your own dang blanket!"
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Priest Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Weather jokes Priest Jokes
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert?
A: "Yes, the red wire."
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Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?"
Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white."
Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
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Нервирање Γιατί ασπρίζουν τα μαλλιά; Майка към синчето си: Майка към синчето си: Um dia, uma menina estava sentada observando sua mãe lavar os pratos na cozinha. De repente, percebeu que sua mãe tinha vários cabelos brancos que sobressaíam entre a sua cabeleira escura. Olhou... 10-åriga Cilla har inte städat sitt rum och fått en rejäl utskällning av mamma och det hela har slutat med gråt och skrik. Någon timme senare har de två försonats och Cilla sitter uppkrupen i... Toto est dans la cuisine avec sa maman. Il lui arrache les cheveux en lui demandant : - "Pourquoi tu as des cheveux blanc ?" Sa maman lui répond alors: - "À chaque fois que tu fais une bétise je... Una nena está observando la cabeza a su mamá y le dice: Mira, mamá, tienes un cabello blanco, y otro, y otro. La mamá le responde: Esas son canas. Oye, mamá, ¿Y por qué te salen canas?, pregunta la... Le petit Toto demande à sa mère: - Pourquoi tu as des cheveux blancs maman ? Sa mère lui répond: - J’ai des cheveux blancs parce que tu fais trop de bêtises et tu m’énerve ! Toto répond: - Tu... Çocuk annesine sormuş. - "Anne senin saçların neden beyaz?" Anne cevap vermiş. - "Sen beni üzdüğün zaman benim saçımın bir teli beyazlıyor." Çocuk anlamış bir şekilde; - "Anneannemin bütün saç... När lilla Jenny satt och tittade på medan hennes mamma lagade mat upptäckte hon att hennes mamma hade flera vita hårstrån i sitt annars bruna hår. Hon frågade då nyfiket. - Mamma? Varför är en del... O fetita o intreaba pe mama ei: - Mama, de ce unele fire din parul tau sunt albe? Mama raspunde: - Vezi tu, de fiecare data cand faci vreo boacana sau ma faci sa plang, sau ma superi, unul din... - Maman maman, pourquoi certains de tes cheveux sont blancs? demanda un petit garçon, - Eh bien... Héhé... Dès que tu fais une bêtise maman à un cheveux blanc qui pousse alors si tu arrêtes mes... Jantje : "Mama, waarom heb je van die grijze haren?" Mama: "Dat komt omdat kindjes heel ontdeugend zijn." Jantje: " O, vandaar dat oma helemaal grijs is !" Toto demande à sa mère. - Maman sa fais quoi d'avoir un cheveu blanc ? - Et bien tu vois mon chérie a chaque fois que tu fais une bêtise j'en ai un de plus. - Et que ce que ta fais a mamie pour... Jantje vraagt waarom heb je grijs haar mam. Omdat mijn kinderen stout zijn begint mama. Waarom heeft oma dan grijshaar zegt Jantje. La madre le dice a Pepito: - A ver si te portas bien, porque cada vez que haces algo malo me sale una cana. - Ahhh, entonces tú debiste haber sido tremenda, porque fíjate cómo dejaste a la... La madre de Jaimito le esta echando una bronca: - Jaimito, a ver si te portas bien, porque cada vez que haces una travesura se me cae el pelo y me sale una cana. - Pues tu de pequeña tenias que ser... Lille Per stod og kiggede på sin mor som vaskede op. Efter at have stirret meget intenst på moderens hår i nogle minutter, spurgte han forundret: - "Mor! Hvorfor er nogle enkelte af dine hår grå og... Bart vraagt aan z'n moeder: 'Waarom krijgen heel veel mensen grijze haren?' Moeder: 'Als kinderen heel erg zeuren en vervelend zijn, dan krijg je daar grijze haren van.' Bart: 'O, nu snap ik waarom...
Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Grandparent Jokes
Mum: "How would you describe me?"
Dad: "ABCDEFGHIJK"
Mum: "What does that mean?"
Dad: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, funny, graceful, helpful, intelligent."
Mum: "What about JK?"
Dad: "Just Kidding."
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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Communication Jokes
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine...
I always get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Wine jokes Communication Jokes
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.
About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.
This time he received a response of about 80 percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question.
With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety three."
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said:
"It's easy, I just outlived the вiтсhеs."
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Попот држи проповед пред насобраните верници: В края на неделната литургия свещеникът пита: Vers la fin de la messe du dimanche, le prêtre demande :
Religion jokes Old People Jokes Church jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes
My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?".
I thought, "that's a strange way to start a conversation".
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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes
I was invited to a party.
Suddenly I farted when an angry man shouted: "Why do you fаrт in presence of my wife?"
I only gazed him for some moments and calmly told him:"Sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Communication Jokes Fart Jokes
A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.
The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"
The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"
The general says, "See that man over there? Кill him!"
Without hesitating, the private kills the man.
The general says, "See? That man has ваlls!"
The marine general says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"
The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?".
The marine general says, "See that man over there? Кill him and then кill yourself."
Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.
The marine general says, "See? Now that man has ваlls!"
The admiral says, "That's nothing."
He calls to a sеамаn high up on a tower, "Hey, sеамаn, jump off that tower!"
The sеамаn answers, "Excuse me, sir?"
The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"
The sеамаn replies, "Fuск you, sir!"
The admiral says, "See? That man has ваlls and he's got brains too!"
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Military Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Stupid Jokes
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunк, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck nакеd.
Man, she is fine!"
The biker looked at him and didn't say a word.
His buddies were confused, because he was a bad аss, and would fight at he drop of a hat.
The drunк leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker still said nothing.
His buddies were starting to get mad.
The drunк leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
The biker stood up, took the drunк by the shoulder and said, "Dамn it, Grandpa, you're drunк! Go home!"
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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Cyclist Humor
One morning when I was going out of the house I met my neighbor's daughter who was pregnant. When I returned home I saw her father closing the door.
I told him: "Your daughter hasn't married yet I wonder how it is possible a girl without any husband be pregnant?
For a moment her father with a bitter smile said: "She isn't pregnant; it is all wind in her belly. She farts and would recovery."
Next year perchance I saw the same girl with a baby in her arms.
Next day when I was going out facing her father so I told him: "I saw your daughter with her fаrт in her arms."
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Marriage and Family Jokes Baby Jokes Communication Jokes Fart Jokes
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rестuм, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rестuм and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rестuм should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the аsshоlе is usually in charge.
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Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Management Jokes Communication Jokes Boss Jokes
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *Walks away*
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School Jokes College jokes Management Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sеx?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy соw!"
Man: "Yes, соw, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
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Interviewer: Do you speak english? Αχμέτ Χουσεϊν Temel Amerika'ya gelir uçaktan iner pasaport olayı filan falan - Do you speak English? — Qual o seu nome? "Name?" Neulich bei der Einwanderungsbehörde:,"Name?","Abu Dalah Sarafi.","Sex?","Four times a week.","No, no, no... male or female?","Male, female... sometimes camel..." No balcão da Alfandega: Seu nome ? Abu Abdalah Sarafi. Sexo? Quatro vezes por semana. Não, não, não! Homem ou mulher? Homem, mulher. Algumas vezes camelo. - Name? - Abdul Anubi al-Dzabiri. - Sex? - Four times a week - No, no, male or female? - Male, female, sometimes camel... En man som är dålig på engelska kommer in på en arbetsförmedling i Holland för att söka jobb! - Name - Abu Dalah Sarafi. - Sex? - Four times a week. - No, no, no, male or female? - Male,... Q: Your name please? A: Abdul Aziz Q: Sex? A: Yes. Two times every week. Q: No no. I mean, Male or Female? A: Not matter. Sometimes also camel ! An arab at the airport: - Name? - Abdul al-Rhazib. - Sex? - Three to five times a week. - No, no... I mean male or female? - Male, female, sometimes camel. - Holy cow! - Cow, sheep, animals in... An arab at the airport: - Name? - Abdul al Rahzib. - Sex? - Three to five times a week. - No, no...I mean Male or female? - Male, female, sometimes camel. - Holy cow! - Yes, cow, sheep,... Q: Naam? A: Abdul Asis Q: Sexe? A: Ja iedere week 2 keer. Q: Nee, ik bedoel man of vrouw? A: Maakt niet uit, soms ook kameel. En la oficina árabe le atienden por teléfono: - ¿Me dice su nombre, por favor? - Jawad Gadaff - ¿Sexo? - 1 vez al día, pero no siempre. - ¡No, hombre, no! Me refiero, ¿hombre o mujer? - Correcto,... All’Ufficio Immigrazioni: – Nome? – Mhoamhed. – Sesso? – 5 volte alla settimana. – Ma non in quel senso: maschio o femmina? – No importa, a volte anche con cammelli. Chiedono a Gheddafi: "ciao, nome?" e lui: "Gheddafi", e poi: "sesso?" e lui risponde: "cinque volte al giorno!" e loro chiedono: "con maschio o femmina?" e lui: "va bene anche cammello!". - NAME? - Muhjmatil Ahmed. - SEX? - Three times a week! - NO, I MEAN; MALE OR FEMALE? - Doesnt matter. Sometimes even with camel... - Name? - Abdul al-Rhazib. - Sex? - Three to five times a week. - No, no! I mean male or female? - Male, female, sometimes camel... - Holy cow! - Yes. Cow, sheep... animals in general. - But isn't... An Arab at the airport: - 'Name?' - 'Abdul al-Rhazib.' - 'Sex?' - 'Three to five times a week.' - 'No, no... I mean male or female?' - 'Male, female, sometimes camel.' - 'Holy cow!' - 'Yes, cow,...
Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes Communication Jokes Military Jokes Dog jokes
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirтy things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes
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