Communication Jokes

[first day as a pilot]
Control tower: What are your coordinates?
Me: I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion.
Control tower: Can you be more specific?
Me: Simba

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"Are you two twins?"
"No, why do you ask?"
"Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes."
"OK that's enough, your driver's license please."

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Police Officer Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity?
I just can't seem to put it down.

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Science jokes Communication Jokes

On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs.
"Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor.
"It did," the doctor replied.

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Hunting Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes

The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Communication Jokes

Teacher: "Who knows what is a difference between a snowman and snowwoman?"
Little Johnny: "Three snowballs!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida.
At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going.
He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida.
The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for.
The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months.
The customs officer then asks where they were coming from.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from.
The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton.
The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of аss he ever had.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Dating Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Couple jokes

A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables.
The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"
"Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?"
"Because you're really ugly," replied the man.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Single People Jokes Communication Jokes Ugly Jokes Rude Jokes

"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me."
"Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?"
"Scissors," I replied.

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Relationship Jokes Wine jokes Communication Jokes

One day little Flora was taken to have an aching tooth removed.
That night, while she was saying her prayers, her mother was surprised to hear her say: "And forgive us our debts as we forgive our dentists."

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Dentist Jokes Religion jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes

A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."

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Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes

I bought a lottery ticket.
My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?"
I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sеx by the most beautiful actress and so on."
He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?"
I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some вооzе and вееr; fuск your mother."

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Sex Jokes Money jokes Vulgar jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Beer Jokes

Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.

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Men jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?"
"Bread"
"Yes"
"Hamburger"
"Ok"
A five years girl answered "Light",
"Омg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?"
"Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner.
We actually talked to each other.
It was awful!

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Old People Jokes Technology Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes