Dad Jokes - Page 16

Sеx and drugs killed my dad.
He wasn’t getting either and hung himself.

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Mary's father has 5 daughters,
1. Nana
2. Nono
3. Nini
4. Nene
What is the fifth daughters name?

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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes

While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves.
“Daddy, were you in a war?”
“Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be.
Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”

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Military Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

An internet maniac boy asks his father:
Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?

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Internet Jokes Computer Jokes Dad Jokes

A son challenged his boastful father to a game of golf. The son was determined to beat his father in golf for the first time.
On the very first swing, the father got a hole in one.
“Okay, nice shot dad," said the son, thinking quickly on his feet. “Now I will take my practice shot and then we will start.”

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Dad Jokes Golf jokes

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."

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Music and Musician Jokes Dad Jokes

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.
The father replied: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.

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College jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shiттy even the mouse.
Mom at the whоrеhоusе and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of аss.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big diск, I new in a moment it must be Sаinт Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hеll, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and вееr and a big rubber diск for my brother the quееr.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fаrт, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "рiss on you all and have a hеll of a night."

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Christmas Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes Fart Jokes Beer Jokes

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears.
"That’s not so serious," soothed his mother.
"I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

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Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

"An aide to the prime minister of Canada called President Bush a моrоn. Well that's not fair. Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his Dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a моrоn, that's genius!"
Jay Leno

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Political Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dentist Jokes Dad Jokes American Presidents Humor

One day a college student comes home for spring break, and he and his dad start a conversation.

"So how are your classes?" Asks the father.

"Good."

"How is the football team playing this year?"

"Okay."

"Making new friends?"

"Some."

"What are you thinking of majoring in?"

"Communications."

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College jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes Military Jokes

I was practicing telling my dad that I’m gаy in front of our parrot.
I changed my mind about telling him after he cut the parrot’s head off.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dad Jokes

Did you know Danny Welbeck’s dad was a bomb disposal expert.
His name was Stan Welbeck.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the соndом display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man, matter-of-factly, replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sеx."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

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Sex Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes

When I was a kid, my family was very poor…
One afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying.
Poor Onions.
He was such a good dog…

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Mean Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.
The argument always ends in a tie.

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Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny runs to his dad and says, "Dad, there's water in the carburetor of the car!"

"How can you be so sure?" the father asks.

"I just know there is," replies Little Johnny.

"Do you even know what a carburetor is?"

"No," says Little Johnny.

"OK, where is the car?"

"In the lake."

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the соndом company…

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Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

Dad:
"Say daddy!"
Baby:
"Mommy!"

Dad:
"Come on, say daddy!"
Baby:
"Mommy!"

Dad:
"Dаrn it, say daddy!"
Baby:
"Dаrn it, Mommy!"

[Mom comes home and joins the conversation.]
Mom:
"Honey, I'm home!"
Baby:
"Dаrn it!"

Mom:
"Who taught you that?"
Baby:
"Daddy!"
Dad: ...

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Dad Jokes Baby Jokes

I rather nervously met my girlfriend’s dad for the first time last night.
My parents just told me to be honest as that’s the way I was brought up.
So when he asked me what I did for fun, I remembered what they told me and said, “Your daughter”.

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Dad Jokes Dating Jokes