Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

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There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: Why can't skeletons play music at a church?
A: They have no organs.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Church jokes Music and Musician Jokes

Me and my pregnant girlfriend went to the doctor for her ultrasound today. She was surprised when she saw a tiny реnis.
Then the doctor said, "Sir, that is very inappropriate, please pull your pants up."

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Dirty jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's wомв.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Baby Jokes Birthday Jokes

I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sеxy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money."
"You wanna be my sugar daddy?"
"Nope I'm diabetic!"

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Money jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Flirt jokes Stupid Jokes

A man was involved in an auto accident. A policeman ran up to the car and asked, "Are you seriously injured?" The man said, "How should I know? I'm a doctor not a lawyer."

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?".
"Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor.
"How's that going to help me?", asks the man.
"I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Tax jokes

What’s the sеx?
The sеx in a disease.
You always get in bed because of it.

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Sex Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital.
A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Tax jokes

Q: What kind of doctor does a duck visit?
A: A Ducktor.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Patient:
"Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist:
"Wear a brown tie..."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dentist Jokes Beauty Jokes

I can see Snooki's baby now. The doctor will be saying, "We have a little situation here."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

First man:
"I follow the medical profession."
Second man:
"Are you a doctor?"
First man:
"No, I'm an undertaker."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Doctor:
"Yes, what is it I can do for you?"
Blond:
"Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body’s blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn’t anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?"
Doctor:
"The fact’s your legs are not that hollow as your head is."

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Fitness jokes

A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Halloween Jokes

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes Internet Jokes

Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first соw said, "I tell you, this mad-соw-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other соw replied, "Неll, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."

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Animal Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Teacher - Get rid of your drink. No drinks in class.
Student - I got it from my doctor he told me to drink it
Teacher - Who's your doctor?
Student - Dr. Pepper

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School Jokes Insult Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes