Friendship Jokes

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You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
Your computer when....
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
Stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
You just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
For the free internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
5. You start using smileys :
- ) in your snail mail.
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
Processor. Com
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
Computer.
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
Depressed.
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
Have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
Landscape.
11. Your family always knows where you are.
12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".
13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!
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A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas.
One of the men on that trip won $100,000.
He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a. M.
He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.
The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.
He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute.
On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.
Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.
"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to кill him!" he screamed at the professor.
The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."
The professor turned to the man with the gun and said,
"He's not going to tell you.
He said he'd rather die first."
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DER ULTIMATIVE LIEBES-TEST Наистина най-добрият приятел на човека е кучето. Действительно лучший друг человека - собака. Не верите? Попробуйте такой эксперимент:Закройте в багажнике машины вместе собаку и свою жену. ЗА ДА СЕ УВЕРИШ КОЙ ТЕ ОБИЧА НАИСТИНА, проведи следния експеримент: - Kto jest najlepszym przyjacielem mężczyzny - żona czy pies? - Zamknij oboje w bagażniku, po godzinie otwórz i zobacz, kto się będzie cieszył, że znowu Cię widzi. Si quieres conocer el amor verdadero, haz este experimento. El Instituto de Salud "Carlos III" sigue investigando temas sanitarios, en este caso, en colaboración con importantes cientificos han... Test de fidelitate: 1. Ia cainele si nevasta si baga-i in portbagaj. 2. Lasa-i acolo 2 ore. 3. Vezi cine se bucura ca te vede! Att hunden e mannens bästa vän, bevisas med att låsa in en hund å sin fru i bagaget på bilen, å sen vänta 3 timmar och där efter låsa upp för att se vem som e gladast! A kutya tényleg az ember legjobb barátja. Ha nem hiszed el, próbáld ki a következőt: Zárd be a kutyádat és a feleségedet a kocsid csomagtartójába. Egy óra múlva nyisd ki! Ki örül neked jobban,... Дійсно найкращий друг людини - собака. Не вірите? Спробуйте здійснити такий експеримент: Закрийте в багажнику машини разом собаку і свою дружину. Через годину-другу відкрийте. Хто, на вашу думку,...
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Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says,
"I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says,
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
"Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
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Dan had a brown filly and a white filly and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor’s Stallion and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son, Johnny, to watch and come in and tell him when the stallion was finished.
“Yeah daddy, yeah daddy,” said Johnny.
After a while Johnny came into the living room where his father was talking with some friends.
“Daddy,” said Johnny.
“Yes,” replied Dan.
“The stallion just fcuked the white filly.”
There was a sudden lull in the conversation.
Dan said, “Excuse me” and took his son outside. “Johnny, you mustn’t use language like that in front of my friends. You should say ‘The stallion surprised the white filly’. Now go and watch and tell me when the stallion surprises the brown filly.”
Dan went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, “Hey, Daddy.”
“Yes, son. Did the stallion surprise the brown filly?”
“He sure did, Pop! He fcuked the white filly again!”
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