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Lawyer Jokes

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Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Banjo vergraben Какво е политик, заровен до шията в земята?,Недовършена работа! ¿Qué es un político enterrado en la arena hasta el cuello?,Un trabajo mal acabado Was hat man, wenn man 3 Männer bis zum Hals in Sand eingegraben hat? - Zu wenig Sand. Was ist passiert wenn Sie einen Anwalt bis zum Hals im Sand begraben finden? Es war nicht genug Sand vorhanden. Was ist, wenn drei Juristen bis zum Hals im Sand stecken? Dann hat der Sand nicht gereicht. Hvad har man når en advokat er begravet i sand til halsen? - Ikke nok sand. - Vet du vad felet är om du har en advokat som är nedgrävd upp till halsen i sand? - Nä. - För lite sand. O que acontece quando você enterra seis advogados na areia até o pescoço? R: Falta areia. Cosa avete con un avvocato nella melma fino al collo? Troppa poca melma!
Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes
In a мurdеr trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
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Съдия пита следствен лекар: lebende Leiche? Адвокат: Advokaten: - Doktor Hallengren, innan ni påbörjade obduktionen, kollade ni om den döde hade någon puls? Vittnet: - Nej. Advokaten: - Kollade ni blodtrycket? Vittnet: - Nej. Advokaten: - Kollade ni om den döde andades? Vittnet: - Nej. Advokaten:... L'avvocato e il dottore. L'avvocato chiede: - Dottore, prima di cominciare con l'autopsia, ha provato il polso? - No. - Ha misurato la pressione sanguigna? - No. - Si è assicurato che il... Q: Docteur, avant de faire votre autopsie, avez-vous vérifié le pouls ? R : Non. Q: Avez-vous vérifié la pression sanguine ? R : Non. Q: Avez-vous vérifié s'il respirait ? R : Non. Q: Alors, il est... Advokaten: - Doktorn, innan ni gjorde obduktionen, letade ni efter någon puls? Obducenten: - Nej. - Kollade ni blodtrycket? - Nej. - Kollade ni om patienten andades? - Nej. - Så ni menar att... Anwalt: "Angeklagter, sie haben an Herrn M. die Autopsie vorgenommen?" Arzt: "Ja, habe Ich." "Sind sie sicher, dass Herr M. zu diesem Zeitpunkt tot war? Können sie das begründen?" "Ja, ich bin... Preguntas reales realizadas por abogados a testigos.IV - Doctor, ¿cuántas autopsias ha realizado usted sobre personas fallecidas? - Todas mis autopsias las realicé sobre personas fallecidas. - Cada... Q: Doktor, før De udførte obduktionen, kontrollerede De, om der var en puls? A: Nej. Q: Kontrollerede De blodtrykket? A: Nej. Q: Kontrollerede De åndedrættet? A: Nej. Q: Så er det muligt, at...
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
How come you can't find lawyers sunbathing on the beach?
Cats keep covering them over with sand.
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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes
What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Terrorist jokes Lawyer Jokes Black People Jokes
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hеll do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me sсrеwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.
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Office and Work Jokes Religion jokes Insult Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Political Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
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Substituting Rats for Lawyers Anwälte ersetzen Ratten Two Scientists were working late discussing ideas about behavior modification studies. Porque razon los cientificos ocupan cada vez mas abogados que ratas en sus experimentos ? 1) Hay mas abogados que ratas. 2) Nadie va a reclamar porque mates un abogado de mas. 3) La anatomia de los... I USA kommer man att börja använda advokater som försöksdjur i stället för råttor. Det blir inga protester för det är ingen som tycker att advokater är gulliga... Det finns alldeles för många. De... - O Instituo Pasteur anunciou que eles não vão mais usar ratos em experiências médicas. No lugar dos ratos, eles vão usar advogados. Eles tiveram três razoes para tomar esta decisão: - 1. Existem... I Californien er man begyndt at bruge advokater som forsøgsdyr i stedet for rotter. Det er der 3 grunde til: 1. Der er flere advokater end rotter 2. Det er ikke alt, man kan få rotter til 3. Der er... В Калифорния започнаха да използват адвокати като експериментални животни вместо плъхове, поради 2 причини: 1. Имат повече адвокати, отколкото плъхове 2. Няма риск лабораторните техници да се... Miksi tiedemiehet käyttävät kokeissaan rottia asianajajien asemasta? Rotilla on inhimmillisempi katse.
Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Science jokes Lawyer Jokes
What do you call a lawyer who doesn't know the law?
A judge.
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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Why'd the lawyer go to Heaven?
Hell was full.
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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Sатаn; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Sатаn replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Lawyer Jokes
At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.
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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes School Jokes
Boss:
Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here? Secretary: My lawyer.
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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman pinscher.
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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes One-Liner Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Lawyer Jokes Black People Jokes
Beautiful?
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drug Jokes Lawyer Jokes Beauty Jokes
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lеsвiаns?
One hundred people who don't do diск.
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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Lawyer Jokes
Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Lawyer Jokes Stupid Jokes
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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Lawyer Jokes Money jokes Terrorist jokes
Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sеx?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Lawyer Jokes Sex Jokes
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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Lawyer Jokes Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Dead baby jokes
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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Lawyer Jokes Dark Humor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
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