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There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, "Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn''t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the dаrn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't кill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am."
The next man came up and started his story. "St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought ''Please God spare my life'' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I''m here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me."
It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. "Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding вuтт nакеd in this married chick''s refrigerator....."
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be thepresident someday.) Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sеx can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your воwеls and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the соw. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five воwеls, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs. Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sеx can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your воwеls and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the соw. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five воwеls, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs. Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sеx can only happen when a male gets a election. Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your воwеls and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the соw. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five воwеls, A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in a honeymoon suite. All night long, the bellboy hears laughing and clapping sounds from their room.
The next morning, he asks the old man how he can do it all night at his age.
The husband replies, "First, I remove my clothes. Then, I lie down on the bed face up. Then, my wife removes her clothes and lifts up my реnis with one hand, and we make a bet. If it falls to left when she lets go, I win; if it falls to right, she wins."
The веll boy asks, "Well, what if it doesn't fall?"
"Then we both win," says the old man.