Money jokes

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Млад адвокат тича щастливо при баща си (и той адвокат): Έκλεισα την υπόθεση Ο Έξυπνος Δικηγόρος Адвокатски неволи. Ein Anwaltssohn möchte in die Fußstapfen des Vaters treten. Er schließt mit Auszeichnung ab und fängt in der Kanzlei seines Vaters an. Am ersten Arbeitstag stürzt er in Büro seines. Vaters und sagt: O filho, advogado recém-formado, chega todo sorridente para contar a novidade ao pai, advogado titular do escritório: - 'Papai, papai! Em um dia, resolvi aquele processo em que você esteve trabalhando por dez anos!' O pai aplica um safanão na orelha... Ein junger Rechtsanwalt besucht seinem Vater, der auch Rechtsanwalt ist. Der Sohn berichtet stolz: "Stell dir vor Vater, den Erbschaftsprozess, den du mir übergeben hast, habe ich gewonnen." "Du...
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Въпрос: Один старый еврей любил смотреть порнофильмы задом наперед. Почему еврей любит смотреть порнофильмы в обратном порядке? Ему нравится видеть, как проститутка отдает деньги назад. Varför ser judar porrfilm baklänges? De kommer när ludret ger tillbaka pengarna till kunden. Hvorfor ser jøder pornofilm baglæns? – De kommer, når luderen betaler pengene tilbage til kunden. Luder Hvorfor ser jøder pornofilm bagfra? – De er vilde med den scene hvor luderen giver manden penge tilbage - Γιατί οι Εβραίοι βλέπουν τις ταινίες πορνό ανάποδα; - Για να φθάσουν στο σημείο όπου η πόρνη δίνει πίσω τα χρήματα Perché i genovesi guardano i film porno al contrario? - Perché gli piace il lieto fine, quando la prostituta restituisce i soldi al cliente.
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The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hеll but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin."
The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.
The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin."
At this stage the priest decides to take action.
"Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?"
"Yes," says the kid, "a tight сunт."
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Превишил нашият герой скоростта и веднага му пратили снимка с нарушението и фиш за глоба от 50 лв.
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Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together.
One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?"
"I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man.
He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights.
He then asks the man where he lives.
Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding."
"You got a silver compact and a red pickup?"
"The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck."
The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom."
"I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the ваlls."
The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot."
"I don't care! Just do it!"
The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole.
He tees up and cranks one.
Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I"m just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sеx life."
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole.
He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball.
When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sеx life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week?!"
The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
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Отива една мадама при лекаря: Пришла одна баба к врачу. При доктора: A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How... - Va rog sa ma ajutati, domnule doctor, ii spune o nimfomana sexologului. Ce sa ma mai fac? Niciodata nu-mi ajunge sexul, intotdeauna vreau mai mult... - Bine, am sa vad ce pot sa fac, spune... Жінка, лежачи на кушетці на прийомі у психіатра, каже: — Лікарю, у мене проблема: я німфоманка. — Ой, вибачте, я ж не осказал вам розцінки. Година коштує 80 євро. — А ніч?
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Die Passion Christi Η κηδεία της πεθεράς Ало, това домът на госпожа Петрова ли е? Un américain part en vacances en Israël avec sa femme et sa belle mère. A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. Едно семејство отишло на екскурзија до Израел. George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law. O marido ganhou, em um sorteio, três passagens para Jerusalém. Pediu para sua mulher que arrumasse as malas e foi ligar para convidar a mãe dele para ir junto. E começou uma discussão. Göran tog med sig hela familjen, inklusive svärmor, till Jerusalem i Mellanöstern på semester. Andra semesterveckan dog Görans svärmor. Han kontaktade konsulatet och hörde sig för om möjligheten...
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