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Money jokes

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I went to the groceries because I wanted to buy one bottle of milk.
I have found out that I´ve got only 0,50 cent and the mild has cost 1 euro.
I have told the saleswoman that I have only 0,50 cent and I want to buy one bottle of milk.
She has solved the situation very practically.
She has taken the mop, went to the storage, cleaned the floor with spilled milk on it, she has pressed out the mop to the carry bag and gave it to me.
At home I have added this milk to the coffee, I have felt something like stones or something like that under my teeth, but the coffee was really tasty.
After that came my friends and the party has continued as usual.
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Money jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes Customer service jokes Coffee Jokes
A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber’s head, knocking him unconscious.
“You probably saved my life,” says the grateful Arab. “I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward.”
The golfer glances at his golf bag.
Some golf clubs would be nice, he says.
Two weeks later, the Sheikh’s secretary calls him up.
We’ve got your golf clubs, she says, but the Sheikh would like to apologise to you in advance: only three of them have swimming pools.
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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Masturbation jokes Secretary Jokes
The company had an employee suggestion competition. The entire staff was asked to submit entries that would save money for the firm.

The winner was a man who suggested the company save paper by posting corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He won a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock.

A memo announcing the winner went out to 200 people.
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Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes
Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.
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Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Banker Jokes
Ladies dating a short guy is fun until you can't find him at the club and you don't have taxi money to go home.
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Money jokes Love Jokes
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’
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Money jokes Old People Jokes Grandparent Jokes
There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they acquired was to manufacture 750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.
Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin. On the day of the Boy Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their way. Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing
the wrong way, so when one was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.
Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this experience came the familiar adage, "He who has a Tate's is lost." (Say it out loud).
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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Business jokes Single People Jokes
Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
So he could dish out stolen tax money to his welfare queens.
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Money jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor
A man is talking to the tax inspector who’s come to review his records.
The inspector says, ‘As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.’
‘Thank God for that,’ replies the man.
‘I thought you were going to ask for cash.’
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Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes
I bought a Jewish sports car.
Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too.
I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.
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Money jokes Car and driving jokes Jewish Jokes
A homeless guy just approached me asking for change.
I said, “Oh yeah, pal, asking me for money but I see you can afford those trendy jeans with the rips in.”
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Money jokes Stupid Jokes
They say money is the root of all evil which is why I never give any money to Africa. They have enough problems already.
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Money jokes Political Jokes Africa Jokes
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity.
They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy!
And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack.
St Peter says “Here you go” and goes to leave when the forester says “Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?”
St. Peter says: “Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.”
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Money jokes Lawyer Jokes Car and driving jokes
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor.
The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly.
Will you look at us?"
"Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love.
"You are making love perfectly," the doctor said.
"That will be $10."
They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing.
On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!"
"She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house.
A motel costs $20.
You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."
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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Love Jokes
Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
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Money jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dating Jokes
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
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Money jokes Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Christian Jokes
So this blonde woman walks into a shop and asks the owner
"Have you got a phone I can borrow as I have a bit of money and I want to call my mom."
The owner says "yes" and takes her to the back of the room as he realized she was a blonde so he wanted a вlоwjов.
So they go in the back of the room and the guy took his pants off and took out his реnis.
So the woman gave him the money and she put her mouth on his реnis and shouted:
"HEY MOM ARE YOU IN THERE!"
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Money jokes Sex Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes
I’m still pondering whether to buy the new IPhone 7 or use the money to buy a lifetime supply of clothes for the family from Primark.
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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Science jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes
The kids filed back into class Monday morning.
They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then share with the class how they were successful.
Little Mary led off, “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Sally was next, “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467″ he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny .
“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny , “I set up a chocolate chip cookie stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.
They all said, “This tastes like SНIТ!” Then I replied, “It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”
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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Chocolate Jokes School Jokes
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them!
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Money jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Black People Jokes
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